Dear Karen:
I’m writing to you from the year 2011. Can you believe it? We’re 48 years old!
I was given this amazing opportunity to write you a letter from your future. A thoughtful young woman I know writes a wonderful body image blog* called Medicinal Marzipan. She is encouraging other bloggers to write posts reflecting on their teen years with self-love. And now that I know what that is, and practice it a lot more often than I used to, I jumped at the chance to write to you!
First, understand that nothing will change for you as a result of me having written this letter. You are going to live our life exactly the way it was meant to be lived. I don’t want to take any of that away from you by trying to teach you something that I wish we had learned sooner.
Our life?
It will be both beautiful and ugly.
You will feel both invincible and powerless.
It will be both breathtaking and mundane.
You will feel both brave and scared.
It will be both incredibly happy and unbearably sad.
You will feel both amazing and pathetic.
It will be both fabulous and not.
You will feel both like a success and a failure.
It will be both exhilarating and depressing.
You will feel both love and hatred for yourself.
It will be both easy and a struggle.
And so much more!
Now, I know there are two things you are most worried about so I will share this:
1. You are NOT fat! Or ugly. If you think you’re fat now, just until we’re 40!! Ha ha. Seriously, I still have our diary from 1978 and it pains me to see what we wrote back then. Things like, “I am so disgusting!” and “I hate myself because I can’t stop eating.” And look! Look at you!
You are so gorgeous and not fat.
So even though we eventually will gain a lot of weight (and it will be because of all that self-loathing), don’t worry, you will learn how to love yourself, you will stop abusing yourself with food, and in the process, you’ll find your voice!
2. We are late bloomers. You will eventually meet and marry a man who loves us exactly the way we are (fat or not) and who loves us exactly the way we need to be loved! But before you meet this amazing man, you will love some men who don’t love you back. Will you do some things that don’t honor who you are, but you will be okay! In the meantime, you will have some adventures that wouldn’t have come your way if you had married young.
One thing I know for sure: you won’t regret a minute of your life.
I love you!
Karen
*I realize that you have no idea what a blog is or that there’s this thing called the Internet. It will play a HUGE role in both our personal and professional lives. It’s very cool! Trust me!
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m totally crying, Karen. I mean… just… wow. Really, wow. So amazing and beautiful.
I love everything about this.
Oh how the tables turn so quickly….I have just read TWO of these teen week posts. My fear monster is RAGING through my body right now…Oh..lordy…heart pounding, instant stomach ache, and that lump in my throat…..do I run do i hide…do I write that letter….YES…will I hit publish ….my heart is now pounding out of my chest as I typed the word publish.
BOY did you hit a nerve or WHAT!
I cannot even tell you how much I adore this.
I love this. You gave me chills. Makes me want to write a letter to a teenage girl about how wonderful she is exactly AS she is.
I started off thinking this was a marvelous idea, but by the end of the post I was shrieking, “No way am I doing this! No way!” I can’t think of a way of doing this that wouldn’t involve trying to change a few things… I guess I still have a way to go towards acceptance, huh?
Loved what you wrote though! And yes, you were, and are, beautiful. Not only do you have a voice, but people listen to your voice. You inspire people. You inspire me.
I agree with Katie – it gave me chills to think about being in that place of not knowing at all yet what the world will bring. Great thoughts!
This is so beautifully written it takes my breath away. Love that last bit. And the sweater takes me back!
What a lovely letter to yourself, karen. And I had to chuckle at that last little part.
Love love love love love times a million and a half.
This is such a wonderful post. I think I could have written it to myself… And I love your sweater. I had quite the fair isle sweater collection back in high school!
love.
and have never done (!) this exercise myself.
rectifying that oversight this weekend.
Karen, this post gave me so many goosebumps! I loved it, truly, and I just wanted to say yes yes yes to every part about it – especially being a late bloomer. I felt like such a loser in high school and who knew that I would be able to use those years as ammunition for so much awesomeness? I just want to look every teenage girl in the eyes and tell them to keep really good journals because this is all going to be so useful some day.. Thank you for taking part. You are an inspiration, always. xoxox
Karen, this is a beautiful post. So many parts resonated with me – the idea that some moments will be beautiful and others ugly is so true. I think this phrase encompasses life so well. And of course, there can be beauty in ugly moments and vice versa.
Your post also made me think of how hard we can be on ourselves. And how skewed our reality truly is! I also thought I was hideous at times, wondering why anyone would ever date me. I look back and wonder where all of that self-hate and self-doubt came from because I was (and am) a good person who always tried very hard.
I wonder how many of us would say this to our teen selves:
“You are NOT fat! Or ugly. If you think you’re fat now, just until we’re 40!! Ha ha”
I was “overweight” as a teen, but not to the extent that my self-image told me. I was trying to look for pictures to show what a “fat kid” I was, but when I look at them now, I see a pretty normal looking person. Yes, I wore a size 12 when my some of friends were in 8s, but that’s hardly justifies the incredibly low self-worth I was burdened with. ~sigh~
If I could give my teen self a gift, I think it would be perspective, which is something that comes through from your post. Everything is not the be all and end all I thought it was. I will get through and life will be good!
Karen, you write amazingly beautiful posts — I love that you share your words and emotions with us. I love the idea of this post — it is something I’ll think about while I’m doing my steps today. Over the years, I’ve said many things to my teenage self, but I haven’t done so in years. It will be interesting to think about what I would write to her today.
And, as you have already said to yourself, you were a gorgeous young girl!
I love this. You are adorable in that picture. I think I had that sweater. I felt really emotional reading this, I may have to do it too, even though I am a week late (a week and 30 years)
I love this, it reminds me of the country song by Brad Paisley “Letter To Me”. I’ve always felt fat even though I was between 110 and 120 lbs, crazy. Stopping by from FMM
I love this post, and I know a few teenaged girls that could use this message.
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