When I heard about the word for this month’s Self-Discovery, Word by Word (hosted by the lovely Mara Glatzel at Medicinal Marzipan), I knew I wouldn’t be able to let this one pass me by.
This month’s word is CHANGE.
In and of itself, I am not averse to change. In fact, I rather like it. I like to change my clothes. I like to change my mind. I like a change of scenery. I like to change things up. I feel stagnant if I can’t change things around once in a while.
But I also like certain things to stay the same. I don’t want to change my husband, I don’t want to change my family. I don’t want to change my friends. I am also finding, as I get older, that I like my routines. As much as I love to travel, I prefer my own bed and to eat my own predictable food.
It’s only been in the past couple of years that I have come to understand change in a different way…specifically as it concerns who I am mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I used to think that happiness would only come when I changed myself sufficiently enough to be thinner, richer, healthier, more successful…you get the picture. I didn’t view those things as being possible without significant change.
Then I learned about the paradoxical theory of change, which states: change occurs when we become what we are, not when we try to become what we are not. Change does not take place through coercion, either by ourselves or by someone else trying to change us, but it does take place if we take the time and effort to be what we are – to be fully invested in our current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible (paraphrased from Arnold Beisser, M.D., from The Gestalt Therapy Page)
So far, this has proven itself time and again in my life: the most significant and lasting changes I’ve made have come NOT from trying to change – they have come from being at peace with myself.
“We cannot change anything until we accept it.
Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”
~ Carl Jung
Does this resonate with you? How do you feel about change? What has been the most effective method of change for you?
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Karen, so very true, but so hard to do….for me anyway. I still struggle learning to accept myself as I am…still trying to find my authentic self.
This is an interesting message after our sermon today, which focused on how God meets us and loves us where we are and as we are, and yet at the same time works within us to transform us.
This is so relevant to where I am at the moment. I’ve come to realize that I haven’t felt safe enough to be myself since I can remember. Now I’m finally allowing myself to drop the masks, the veils (and the layers of fat) and emerging as my true authentic self. Needless to say, it is bringing about profound changes in my life, but it’s also very exciting. So yes, I can spare some change!
Of course you know I’m off to RT this. In more than one place!
Yes, yes, and yes! I remember when I first read and blogged about the paradoxical theory of change. Total “a-ha” moment.
My husband can tell you I hate change, I’m sure listing all the reasons would result in a post by itself!
I have found though, there comes a point when I have to change. It can be one morning when the paint on the living room wall drives me crazy enough I tell my husband its time to go to home depot and buy new paint. Or it comes when I finally let go (not give up, let go) and then a month latter realize the change I had been struggling so hard to produce, happened naturally on its own.
When it comes to positive changes, I think we’ve been listen to the hype for so long, we expect instant gratification. Some times it takes time and patience before we wake up one morning and realize some aspect of ourselves had changed for the better.
Ah, change! So hard to do but yes, we sometimes have to take stock & just do it because it is necessary not only mentally but for other reasons. Me, right now, my bod is making me change but I also have to work on the other stuff too!
Inner – and outer change is inevitable, no matter how we try to deny it. Fit or not, gravity will have its way with us; we cannot turn back the clock and be 17 again (thank goodness!)
I think the idea of embracing who I am today – right this minute, not who I used to be, not who’d I’d rather be, but who I am, is helping me make the kinds of changes I need in my life.
Thanks for a great post.
I love my routine, but since I’ve truly understand the change is the only constancy in life, I try to just let go of the fear and resistance and have faith that things are happening for a reason and that everything will be okay.
I’ve also realize that for inner change, since I’m learning to discover and love who I really am and stop criticizing myself or living in the future, I’m starting to see the changes I’ve always wish to happen, and even if the process go slowly, it doesn’t come with struggle.
All of this his helping me to be more open to changes in every aspect of my life.
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