A month from today – at the third annual Fitbloggin ’12 conference in Baltimore, MD – I will have the honor of working with two women I admire greatly (Shauna and Mara) to facilitate a discussion that has, at its core, these two questions:
Are you afraid that self-acceptance means you’ll never lose weight?
and
Does self-acceptance mean giving up?
Talk about the ultimate both/and discussion!
As Shauna so eloquently put it today: “I’ve puzzled over this topic many times these past couple of years. There’s a desire to feel at peace with myself and my body, but at the same time there’s things I want to change. Is this possible? Am I really a nutty dieter hiding in self-acceptance clothing? Am I some sorta self-acceptance sell-out if I want to lose some pounds? Am I throwing in the towel if I don’t change a thing? Can’t I have a foot in both camps? And what the heck does self-acceptance mean anyway?”
Yes! What she said!
Shuana, Mara, and I are in the processs of answering these and other related questions for ourselves, in preparation for the discussion and for a free eBook that will be available afterwards.
Although it will take place “live” at Fitbloggin’, the discussion will also take place virtually (“live Tweeted” from Baltimore) and so whether you will physically be there or not, we welcome your participation:
What questions do you have about self-acceptance?
More specifically, (quoting Mara here…)
- What has always irked you about conversations about self-love?
- What feels too good to be true, and what do you need clarified?
- How might you need to be better supported in order to be your best, most loving self?
- What do you really wish people said out loud on the topic of self-acceptance?
Leave a comment below, find me on Facebook or Twitter (use the hashtag #fitbloggin) or send me an email.
We look forward to hearing from you!
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Karen… I won’t be there – obviously. But that is my exact concern – that balance between self-acceptance and continuing to want to ‘improve’ oneself. I keep thinking about Big Girl Bombshell’s recent post and can really relate to that.
Does self-acceptance mean that ‘eye of the tiger’ has gone forever???
Deb
Thanks for this Deb! I guess one way to find out would be to try it out and see how it feels?
I left a comment over at Shauna’s, but I thought I could answer a few of the other questions here:
What has always irked me about conversations about self-love?
The thing that bothers me is the way that it sometimes rings false, as if people are so determined to appear cheerful and self-lovin’ that they don’t admit to moments of weakness or self-doubt. It’s one thing to intellectually know that self-acceptance is important, and another whole thing to really feel it inside. I don’t trust anyone who seems to have it all figured out, all of the time. I think your blog is refreshing because you admit to your struggles.
I wish I could be there. This is a busy time of year for me, but I will be following the tweets. Break a leg!
Thank you Jen! It’s funny because I think for some of us (me at least) when I first “discovered” the power of self-acceptance I did think I had it all figured out ;-)
I think one can have self-acceptance yet still have things they want to change. Maybe they know & accept their probs & insecurities yet know they really want to change. Self-acceptance to me does not have to mean all is good in life.. it just means to me, we understand our own self even if there is work to do.
I do not really appreciate that others make a person think they are bad if they don’t have that I love myself attitude. It is hard work as you know…..
As I like to put it: objectively compassionate :-)
I think self acceptance is one way of improving yourself. Like, yes you accepted that you are this kind of person – like big at the moment. But since you already accepted that fact, there are strategies out there to help improve or lose weight. No pain no gain right? After all, losing weight is all about hard work and perseverance. Don’t just settle in self-acceptance thingy, find a way to better improve yourself. Hope I make sense.
So are you saying that self-acceptance is only a means to an end?
ILL BE THERE.
can not wait.
Me too :-)
I wish I was going to be there….BUT well yet again…maybe next year.
I look forward to the live tweeting though…I hope I will not miss that too!
Definitely next year!
I know it’s kinda off topic, but the self-acceptance that I most don’t understand is people who feel they need plastic surgeries (plural) to look and feel beautiful. I’m primarily talking about excessive alteration to the face. I just don’t get it. Sorry to be sorta off topic.
It’s not that far off topic! It’s amazing what we’ll do in the name of trying to feel better about ourselves…and there are certainly those out there who are willing to oblige us, for a price!
Boy, I’d love to be there to listen to THAT conversation. I’m always in search of ways to be more kind to myself. For me, accepting who I am on the inside has been the key all along. If I can do that, then it leads to a healthier me inside AND out.
The same has been true for me, as well.
I had a big struggle with this for a long time, but have made some progress. Of course recent events have me somewhat unsettled again, but I think I’ll find my way soon enough. I believe that our worth does not depend on our weight or our appearance. We are good enough and we are enough, no matter what we weigh or what we look like. I accept myself and who I am. Yet, my desire to lose weight takes up a lot of my energy. Not because I want to attain some kind of “perfection”, but because my size seriously affects my quality of life. There is so much I can’t do – even insignificant every day things – at my current weight. I don’t see my pursuit of a leaner, stronger body as not accepting myself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look nice either – we pluck our eyebrows and wear make-up after all. The problem comes in when we tie our appearance to our self-worth. You talked about food being morally neutral – bodies are morally neutral too. But society has taught us that some shapes are “right” and some are “wrong” and if you’re the wrong shape, you are less than. We need to fight that!
I love that: our bodies are morally neutral.
That is so cool! I can’t wait to see the tweets. These questions have me nodding my head. I’ll have to think on these. :-)
Let me know if you come up with any more questions!
Yesterday I was in the car and driving along, feeling pretty good about life and myself. I actually felt “happy”–more so than in a long time. And it dawned on me that I was content–at that moment in time–content with myself, how I look, my relationshiips, and what I have been doing in life.
It’s interesting that I felt that way, because my weight loss is stalled right now, even thoughI am not overeating. I still wear a 16W, and my fitness IQ is a couple of standard deviations below the mean. Of course, I couldn’t just leave well enough alone, so I asked myself if I could accept myself as I was at that moment, and surprisingly, what came to mind was more self- acceptance than I had felt in a very long time. No–not 100% acceptance, but maybe 80% okay with how I looked–IF I could not change it. That “if” is the crux of the problem, because I have not yet decided that I cannot change my weight. But for that peaceful moment in time, I was not berating myself, but was calm and content. It made all the difference in how I intereacted with others and how I treated myself. Heck–it was even easier to eat healthfully. Yes, “content” is a very good feeling, and one that we weight loss folks find hard to come by. But is it enough? Will it last? Will it ultimately lead me to fitness and a peaceful existance with food. I guess it all remains to be seen. But I liked it. I really, really liked it. (Excuse my Sally Field moment, please!)
Bingo!! I daresay that many of us who aren’t what “society” says we should look like often feel that we don’t deserve to feel contented.
My experience tells me that the feeling won’t last forever, but I know how to access it…I can catch myself sooner next time I am feeling not-content.
Hi, I just stumbled across your blog while doing research for my own. It is so wonderful to see you discussing this topic. This is the reason I started my blog (just 3 posts old!). I’m documenting my journey to self-acceptance. I have always viewed it as giving up, but i’ve figured out that self-acceptance isn’t about giving up, it’s about loving myself despite all of the things I don’t like about myself. It’s about gaining self-esteem and happiness.
Recently I’ve decided to stop hating myself and take a step towards self-acceptance. I do hope to lose weight along the way, and I think self-acceptance is going to build my self-esteem which will help me feel worthy of losing the weight to become healthy.
http://selfacceptancejourney.blogspot.com
Very cool…thanks for leaving a comment Liz!
There are a bunch of things that irk me about “self-acceptance” but I’m going to bring up the two main things:
Fat Acceptance: It bothers me when people combine self-acceptance with an unhealthy lifestyle and perspective and tout it as “fat acceptance.” I’m not talking about the people who have self-acceptance and they are changing their unhealthy lifestyle (and have yet to see the results), but rather people who use self-acceptance to justify a slow method of killing themselves. I’m not talking about the movement to have society be more kind to people with weight issues, but i’m talking about the people who are morbidly obese and keep saying that they’re healthy. How can you have self-love if you’re harming yourself physically?
Forcing it: I think self-acceptance is an organic process where you do the work, go to bed, and wake up closer to your goal. I see so many people forcing the self-love as if to say “I love myself in spite of myself” versus “I’ve done the work that makes loving myself feel right.” It’s the equivalent of a fake smile masking unhappiness. I’m not saying people need to be perfect, or that there’s not something to be said for “fake it til you make it” — but I see so many people out there that have the facade of loving themselves but not the unshakable core of it.
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