Do you remember the story by Hans Christian Andersen?
In it, an Emperor who cares for nothing but his wardrobe hires two weavers who promise him the finest suit of clothes from a fabric that is said to be invisible to anyone who is unfit for his position or “just hopelessly stupid.” The Emperor cannot see the cloth himself, but pretends that he can for fear of appearing unfit for his position or stupid; his ministers do the same. When the swindlers report that the suit is finished, they “dress” him in the new suit and the Emperor then marches in procession before his subjects. A child in the crowd calls out that the Emperor is wearing nothing at all and the cry is taken up by others. The Emperor cringes, suspecting the assertion is true, but holds himself up proudly and continues the procession. (Thank you Wikipedia.)
Lately I’ve sort of been feeling like the Emperor. I have come to such a place of peace with my body and with food that I can hardly believe it. It’s like a miracle. At first I was hesitant to really say it loudly and proudly because I don’t know how much weight I have actually lost. I haven’t been on a scale in over a year. But let me say it now:
I AM losing weight!
But there’s a part of me that wonders if I am just “hopelessly stupid” because no one is saying a word to me about it really. Maybe it’s not obvious to anyone else…maybe I haven’t really lost any weight at all? The first time I lost weight everyone made comments. But then again, the first time around I made a big huge stinkin’ deal about it. It was all I could talk about. It became my whole identity, for crying out loud!
This time I am not talking about it much at all. It’s not taking up practically every waking moment!
And even though I don’t want to admit it, I sometimes wonder what other people think…are they looking at me and thinking, “well, you don’t look like you’re at peace with food” or “You shouldn’t be at peace with that body.”
But I know better than that. And I know what’s more important to me now is that people know me as a happy, vibrant, excited, woman who is focused on living her life, pursuing her dreams, and loving her friends and family.
I have toyed with the idea of getting the scale out of the closet and maybe someday I will, but for now I think I like it this way. It’s freeing to not be associated with a number. I am free to focus on things that are much more fun and which fill me up with joy…it’s taken me a while to realize just how much space that damned number used to take up in my head!!