…NOT!
But I know a lot of people who are. Or for half-marathons, triathlons, 5Ks, boxing matches, black belts, and body building competitions…you name it, people are training for it! And sometimes it feels like I must be the only one out there who doesn’t want to compete!
I was reading a blog post by Tara over at 263 And Counting about her decision to stick with her half-marathon training and not go for the full.
In it she wrote this:
“For three days I lost sleep, I didn’t eat and I gained three pounds due to the stress of actually thinking I could do it. At the end of those three days I realized something important: This wasn’t fun anymore.”
And this:
“I like the idea of being the distraught fat girl comes back to save the world theory but this is not the time nor the place.”
And this:
“I need this journey to be slow paced enough for me to learn what works and to examine what doesn’t work. I need this journey to be about pushing boundaries and setting goals that are not only attainable but also achievable in a safe manner.”
The next part of my post isn’t addressed to Tara specifically, but to all of you DFGs out there who might be thinking, “hmmm…maybe I should start running…”
To be honest, I think too many of us DFGs like to jump on certain fitness bandwagons because we see all the glory and high-fives and “you go girl”s that others are getting and we want it too. And it appears, somehow, that running a race is an easy way to get it, whether it be a 5K or a marathon.
I think a lot of DFGs set themselves up for unintended, unimagined consequences when they decide they should push themselves that hard and intensely. I know a lot of DFGs who think (consciously or unconsciously) that training for and running a marathon will make them skinny. It’s in the back of their minds the whole time.
I am not saying that all DFGs do this…but I did it and I see others doing it too.
Now, I am all for a challenge, fitness or otherwise. But it’s important to know what will really fill you up. It’s important to know what you *really* want…what fits your personality. We need to be sure of what we’re really after when we make a commitment to something as huge as running a marathon.
Part of my problem was that, for too long, I didn’t really know what I wanted. And so I went after other people’s goals and aspirations. I let other people’s dreams become mine. And I’ve been doing that for such a long time that I didn’t even realize it!
Now that I do know what fills me up, what makes me excited to get up in the morning and push myself, I know that I don’t have to use fitness to get the high-fives and “you go girl”s. For sure, I am exercising and loving my kettlebell and kickboxing workouts, but for me the glory is coming from something totally unrelated to weight loss or fitness. And it’s a beautiful thing.
Do you know what you REALLY want or are you letting someone else’s dream become yours?
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I am guilty of chasing after other people’s dream. More than once I’ve had to take a big step back and ask “who are you really doing this for”?
We get a little taste of the glory and we want to balls to the walls to the finish line. I’m finally learning that I have a long time to get to where I’m going and I want to show other DFGs out there that in all things dreamed, it is attainable no matter how long it takes!
I so agree Tara! And I not trying to dissuade anyone from going for it…
awesome post. You have me totally thinking lately and this post helped solidify it, I don’t want to necessarily race or compete but I do want to train. I needed something bigger than a 5k to train for and honestly, I want to push myself to do something I never in a million years thought I would even want to do. I totally realize I want to do this! Thanks. I feel a blog post. THANKS!
Another beautiful post, Karen.
I trained for and ran a 10 miler a few years ago and it was pretty miserable. I wasn’t doing it for me at all. When I completed the race, I DID feel a sense of accomplishment, but I also came to terms with the fact that I just don’t enjoy running. I gave myself permission to never run again (unless of course I honestly want to) and it was hugely liberating.
I think we have a lot of twisted beliefs about pushing past pain and sticking to things no matter what the cost. We’re looking for validation through external means rather than living authentically.
Another thought that came up – I definitely think marathon-running is a form of dietting for a lot of folks. It’s a sneaky way of trying to lose weight while doing something that looks really cool and worthwhile. Have you noticed this?
Sorry – my last question doesn’t make sense. You’ve obviously noticed this. Shame on me for skimming. :)
Not chasing other people’s dreams is exactly why I quit road racing for two years. I didn’t want to, didn’t have to, and finally decided no one could make me. I very happily kept up my running but on my own terms. When I felt ready, I raced again and it was great! When will I do my next race? I have no idea.
It’s also the reason I gave up my gym membership. I hate gyms. I just do. Even if it is only $10 a month it’s totally not worth it to me.
As for what I really want outside of diet and fitness, well, I’m hoping to figure that out one day soon!
Not having been a runner before this past year, I strangely enough am doing this half for me. I got such a thrill from doing the 5K this spring. It planted a seed in me, and it’s growing a runner.
That said, the training part isn’t always much fun. I’m really looking forward to cooler weather (as in below 100)
Bravo, Karen! Yep, I’ve been guilty of chasing other people’s idea of a dream too — to the sacrifice of the ones I really want. And here’s the crazy thing….I feel like a slacker because I’m “only” training for a 3rd degree black belt. I should be proud of the fact that A) I’m going to test for 3rd degree at age 42…B) that I am physically capable of getting through the 3-hour test already and it’s still 9 months away…and C) most of my “training” is memorization, recall, and technique execution. Thanks for being courageous enough to bring it up!
What a timely post and great message. First of all, I personally GAINED weight while training for a marathon, so no one should do it for weight-loss. But that’s not really the point here. The point that I take away here is that there is a fine line between doing something because it’s trendy or becomes compulsive and doing it because it brings you joy. I have to literally ask myself this question almost daily about different things I’m doing with my time, as I know myself well enough to know that I fall easily into the trap of “I do this because I SHOULD…”
Thanks for the post!
I LOVE this message! I spent so many years being there for everyone else’s dream, but this year is for me. I have a hard time with that most of my life and “social media” is the same as real life..I am slowly moving toward MY dream and that feels good.
If you enjoy running, participating in a race can be very inspiring, motivating and thrilling. There is energy and encouragement from other participants. When I do a race (which is not very often as I prefer my solo runs) the only person I am competing against is myself – or the course. For the last two events I did, my main goal was to enjoy the event – the lovely course of the 10 miler and the thrill of being healthy enough to run it, and the camraderies of the 10K with an office team. For the Army 10 Miler this fall, I think my main goal will be to conquer the last 2 miles over the 14th Street Bridge – to pace myself and finish strong. Once my son asked me why I would do a race if I knew I wouldn’t win. I told him it gave me a reason to do the best I could.
Karen, this was a perfect post. You are so right in your perception. I see it ALL the time on twitter. One person sparks an idea – “let’s do this” then suddenly everyone is on the bandwagon. I’ve also watched many of those people suddenly disappear because they just wanted to be a part of something, but didn’t have any idea how difficult it would be. Running is hard work. I have participated in enough distance events to speak to this. Yes, it does make one feel like they accomplished something but it is incredibly hard work and takes a level of discipline and commitment that many just aren’t willing. I see this all the time with the excuses people use as to why they couldn’t get their run done that day…..and there is nothing wrong with that but it is about finding ones own dreams.
Well done with this post! There are so many things we can chose to do with our lives. I have the utmost respect for those who don’t jump in on every challenge and bandwagon that is the flavor of the day on Twitter. Life is about finding out who YOU are, not what someone else is doing.
This is another example of why I love your blog. You are who YOU are, not someone else. On top of that, you encourage people to find their own self and are not promoting that they join you on the latest “challenge” of the month. xxoo Lori
Thanks for the post Karen. It was just what I needed to read, and oddly, I am training for a marathon now. Tomorrow is our 18 mile run, and that is tough. I really needed some encouragement, even though I have done this before. You helped remind me that I am living my dream, and I am so lucky to be able to do this. You are so right, everyone needs to follow their own dream, and find what is right for them.
I’m training to “do” a half marathon but my definition of “do” is to not excessively train. I would like to finish it. I’d like to hang out with my buddies and have fun. If I feel like running during those 13.1 miles, I’ll run (penguin-run). If I feel like walking or ambling, I’ll do that. It’s way more about the fun than the competition for me.
IF…and that’s a BIG IF…I ever do a half, that’s how I’ll do it too.
Karen, I love this post! And the timing couldn’t be any more perfect (and eery). In the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking of getting back into running (I ran a little bit while I was in grad school, and was pretty good at it and did enjoy it).
But I wonder how much do I want to run because I think I’ll genuinely enjoy it (like I do Pilates, for instance) or because I like the idea of running, the lifestyle, the way people get impressed when you say, “Oh, I’m a runner, or “I’m training for a marathon.” Sometimes, I think that’s why I want to run. Because of the image of the fit runner, and all that. Other times, I think that it’s a great challenge. But it’s such the fine line.
This post is incredibly insightful! I seriously can’t tell you how many times I’ve chased someone else’s dreams. Wow.
Karen, just came back and read this. So so so so very true. You might recall a post I wrote earlier this year about the fact that I was giving up my Couch to 5km program… cos I hated training for it. An exercise physiologist (who reads my blog) asked me why I was doing when I obviously hated the running.
I loved her very-zen approach (just do something else instead!). Not rocket science, but hearing it from someone else made me realise that there are SO many other things I enjoy more. And… there are some gym classes I don’t ‘love’ but I know are good for me (and challenging) so I keep going to them as well!
I like that you talk about knowing what ‘we’ want. I don’t necessarily want to train for a marathon, or even a 5km run. I’d love to LOVE running and want to run, but I don’t (and maybe never will) but I want to find exercise that I enjoy, keeps me fit and healthy and that I’m able to do for years and years.
Deb
Wow Karen this is spot on. Exactly how I have been feeling. My last time around with the blogging/weight loss experience I did jump on every bandwagon and set myself up to fail miserably. Not this time. Thank you for sharing. XO
For those who want to run, compete, body build, etc. I am behind you 100%! I am screaming and leaping for joy on the sidelines!! Seriously. I am thrilled for you. I know how much time and dedication, blood, sweat and tears it takes and I know how freaking awesome it feels to cross a finish line. I remember how excited I was to run my first 5K…and who knows? I may do another one some day. But in hindsight, I see that running races was not really *my* dream. I did it because I didn’t know what my dream was and I got caught up in the tide. I did it because I thought it was one more way I might fix myself.
{ 4 trackbacks }