…because there is no going back.
I turned 48 last week and for the first time in my life I felt bittersweet about my birthday…not just sweet. I have always loved my birthday (and I still do…it always feels like a day that is ripe with promise and #48 was no exception).
But.
But there was also something unfamiliar with #48 and in the days and weeks leading up to it I finally came to the realization that what I was feeling was a sense of loss. We lose our lives because we spend our lives and I have probably spent more than half my life by now.
And so it was with that in the back of my mind that I blurted out to a friend, “but you can’t take a step backward…there is no backsliding…it’s impossible!” I said this in response to her telling me that the evening before she felt she had eaten “too much” of the “wrong” foods.
“Did I take step backwards?” she wondered?
Even when it feels like we’ve failed, we’re still making progress and moving forward.
And then it occurred to me that there really is no deadline for the journey, even though SMART goal-setters would like us to have one. I mean, yeah, if you want to run a 5K or if you’re writing an article for publication, there will be a deadline.
But as I have said here way too many times, I don’t like setting goals related to achieving a healthy weight and maybe it’s because I don’t think there should be a deadline. How many of us have done that before, set a goal weight and a deadline by which to reach it, only to not reach it, or reach it then wonder, “now what?” or reach it and then regain and start the whole process over again?
Talk about pressure! And that’s not to say that pressure is a bad thing, but I think we’re all better served when we learn when pressure works and when it doesn’t.
As a writer, I have a love/hate relationship with deadlines but I know they work for me.
I love/hate them because they give me a time frame (“love” knowing that there’s an end date, “hate” because I often don’t want to let go).
And I love/hate them because they put pressure on me (“love” the pressure because it is part of the creative process, “hate” the pressure because it’s stressful and uncomfortable).
As someone striving for a fit, healthy body, I have learned that deadlines do not work (for me). In fact, the other day someone on an online fitness support forum asked me if I was “in maintenance” meaning, I suppose, had I reached my goal weight? I think the reason she asked is because unlike many other people who post there, I don’t talk about actively losing weight.
In response I wrote: “I don’t know how I’d classify myself…I guess I’m just inching towards better. Better health, better life…happiness, peace. And I have faith that my body will respond in kind…so far, so good. I stopped making weight loss a priority a while ago, hoping (and now knowing) that my body would release what it doesn’t need.”
Do you have a deadline?
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
I know that bittersweet feeling, Karen. But I’m 51 and I have to say that these last 2 years have been the best ones ever. For real. And on every level. I guess the only “bitter” part is in waking up to life so late. But truly better late than never.
I SO agree Foodie. I am so excited about the years to come…really and truly. I can’t wait to turn 50! As I said, this was the first time I ever felt this way and it’s okay…in fact Tim (who just turned 54) and I were talking about it and he said he went through the same feelings…and then it got better. And I can relate to the “better late than never” sentiment. I am just thrilled with the ways things are turning out…
I discovered, just yesterday in fact, that I have set myself a deadline that is causing me stress and worry. That deadline is creating supplemental income so I can leave my 9-5-er and work for myself. I realized that I was so focused on the deadline that I was ruining the journey for myself.
This epiphany has eased some of the pressure, but not all. I have some letting go to do. But recognizing my folly is a good start :-)
Good for you…and thanks for stopping by. I’m adding your blog to my reader!
I have always been a deadline-driven person, but most of the time it hasn’t been helpful. Since I’ve been trying to let go of those deadlines and pressures, I’ve found myself at a lack for how to describe my situation. “Inching towards better” is a beautiful way of describing it, I think.
Thanks…I still need deadlines for certain things…but recognizing when they help and when they hinder is key!
I have lots of deadlines but not where health or weight are concerned… not anymore anyway. Your phrase of inching toward health is a very good one. When I started losing weight a few years ago, people always wanted to know how many pounds, how many inches, how many calories? I didn’t want to focus on those numbers and always gave general numbers but emphasized that the most important thing was that I was healthier than ever.
I used to be obsessed with the numbers…now it feels really good not to be. :-)
I’m trying to let go of the deadline mentality and embrace my just live the healthiest life possible attitude. Its scary and I’m afraid of failing. Logically I know I won’t fail. I’ve put too much work into this journey and have found too much pleasure in getting stronger/fitter to go back to a sedentary lifestyle…
But still…
Tara, once you know, you can’t forget. Your awareness will take you far! And I say that because I think you are one of the most “evolved” people I “know” ;-)
I write what I write based on the experience of having lost the weight then regained…NOW is see it for what it was….more lessons to be learned, not necessarily failure. I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
I have tried working with open ended goals with weight loss – “I’m going to eat better, or I’m going to exercise”, but because they were open ended it didn’t work for me.
I have a timeline for this journey, which is my 50th birthday, and as I am going through it, I’m not worried so much about the numbers on the scale, and what I will weigh, (even though I’m thrilled when the numbers go down) but how I will feel and look. It’s not so much a deadline, but a focus to keep in my mind.
I know how you’re feeling about the bittersweet thing with age. I realize that unless I live to a 100, I have lived over half of my life, but I’m looking forward to living the rest of life with more spirit and energy, that I did for the first half.
I am all about what works Patricia…and I agree with having focus…on seeing what you want. One of my favorite quotes is: “What you see depends mainly on what you look for.” So when is the magical day? :-) I have all kinds of wonderful visions for my 50th year!
Absolutely no deadline. I don’t weigh myself anymore, but I’ve been around the same weight for 2 1/2 years, according to how my clothes fit. I lost 100# and hit that so-called “goal” weight. It didn’t take very long in “maintenance” for me to realize that this was not some program with an end-game that I was doing. This was my life. It was forever. At least, forever for me. I love how you put it…”inching towards better.” Absolutely, yes! There is always a new mini-goal of some sort, weight/fitness related or not. I’m definitely inching towards better.
It’s funny that you post this because we were just talking about this at work today. I try not to talk numbers to people because I feel like its personal and I am really working every day to be a better me.
It’s not important to me to hear about everybodys numbers weight, calories…..it’s just numbers. You could only have 500 calories but if it’s all junk food you are only kidding yourself. right?
I just try to be better today than I was yesterday.
Ooh – thought provoking! I have deadlines. Over and over again. And I miss them. Or sometimes I make them. So I guess it seems they are not meaningful in my life. But I wonder what I will feel when I turn 48 myself in about 6 months. The birthday that hit me hardest so far was 41.
It’s interesting to hear what birthdays affect people and why…48 took me by surprise. I think it’s because I am a late bloomer ;-) I know for a lot of women 40 is hard.
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