So just when everything has been going so well, up pops some ugly.
The subject of being a weight loss success story came up on Twitter yesterday. Jen (@priorfatgirl) announced that Shape magazine is going to be featuring her story in its August issue. I am sincerely happy for her. Jen has a lot to be proud of. She has an amazing spirit, has worked hard to get fit and happy, and is a great role model. In fact, I’d love for you to read this post of hers.
But a wave of negativity overtook me at the same time. When I saw her announcement, I congratulated her, but what I really wanted to do was warn her. And then Mary (@amerrylife) chimed in and said that she hopes to someday be a success story.
In response to Mary, I wrote (in 140-character-or-less sound-bites):
“I already think of you as a success…seriously. And you should too.”
“There are lots of ways to measure success, girlfriend. Not to take away from @priorfatgirl AT ALL…”
“There’s a reason magazines/TV/radio and so on like to feature weight loss success stories…$$$$$”
“I was a success story on eDiets and in Quick & Simple magazine and it was not what I imagined…”
“it can mess with your head…it messed with mine. Of course I am just speaking for myself.”
“Quick & Simple magazine waaaay simplified the story and made it sound like I ate cinnamon to lose weight”
“And another part of the problem for me is that at the time, I wasn’t happy with me…I still felt like a failure…”
“I imagine it’s kinda like being a child star”
I’ve been stewing over this for the last 24 hours. What I see is a little bit of jealousy combined with a lot of projection. Who am I to rain on anyone else’s parade just because I had a bad experience?
Let me back up a minute: the actual experience wasn’t so bad. I was given first-class Amtrak train tickets into NYC, car service to the photo shoot studio, I got my hair and make-up done, a wardrobe consult, and was basically fussed over all day. It was great!!
I wasn’t thrilled with the article when it came out because it was full of inaccuracies and downplayed the level of mental and emotional work I had done. On the cover, it said “The Yummy Pie Spice That Helped Karen LOSE 55 LBS!” It was just about selling magazines and diets.
And it messed with my already messed-up head. Because deep down inside, I didn’t feel worthy and I didn’t feel like a success. Sure, I had lost 55 pounds, but I hadn’t reached my goal weight…I still had 20 more pounds to lose! That was in 2007.
And you know the rest of the story. I regained some of the weight I lost and have spent a long time trying to be okay with who I am.
And so I want to apologize to Jen and to Mary (and to Cathy @CathyCox2010). Just because I wasn’t prepared doesn’t mean that others aren’t. And I want to impart this advice: be prepared, be okay in your head, be okay with who you are and what you’ve accomplished. Understand that you are a success right now, whether the media has come calling or not!
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