August 2011

I am from books, Barbie dolls, and obscurity.

I am from rocks and driftwood, and exploring suburban woods as if I were there first; from raised ranches and colonials.

I am from cinnamon-toast-and-hot-cocoa-for-Sunday-supper-while-watching-The-Wonderful-World-Of-Disney and I am from resistance.

I am from square dances and playing 20 Questions on long car trips, from The Great Turkey Hunt and Boys?! It looks like the Old Pup has been here!

In my blood I am from Coxe and Griffin, from Bornschein and Valentine. I am from divorce and remarriage a more than a few times, from steps and halves, and so I am from Lindsay and Elder and several others as well.

I am from humble and proud, from self-loathing and bravado. I am from conflict and confrontation and contradiction.

I am from solitude and addiction and anxiety; I am from do as I say not as I do and what you see on the outside is not what’s happening on the inside.

I am from life is hard and everything works out the way it is supposed to. I am from don’t rock the boat and do something constructive.

I am from white-anglo-saxon-protestant faded to nothing.

I am a Yankee Doodle Dandy from the gentle western hills of the fifth state, the Constitution State of Connecticut, and more distantly from England, Scotland, Germany, Wales, France.

I am from meatloaf, tuna noodle casserole, and Jell-O parfaits; from formal six-course gourmet extravaganzas, with pomp and circumstance and forks, knives and spoons in the proper order because Someday you might have dinner at the White House and you’ll need to know your manners!

But more than any of these things, I am most powerfully from me.

This post was inspired by A Day In My NYC who was inspired by a writing template you can find here Where Are You From?

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Lately I’ve heard a lot of women (and some men) talking about being a badass, or using badass as an adjective. For example, another blogger said she was thinking about changing her blog and someone else responded, “Can it be a blog about how badass you are??”

I get that it’s supposed to be a compliment but I cringe a little inside when I hear stuff like that. In fact, I went as far as to post on Facebook that I have no desire to be a badass and dear, funny friend Foody McBody (who happens to be training for a triathalon…is that badass?) said, “no, you’re a goodass.”

HAHAHAHA!!

But it got me thinking… am I resisting badassness?

Wiktionary defines a “badass” as either a mean or belligerent person OR a person whose extreme attitudes, behavior or appearance are admirable. As an adjective “badass” is defined as concerning extreme appearance, attitudes and/or behavior that is considered admirable.

I’m not really into extremes…we all know what happens when things get extreme.

But maybe you could call me badass in terms of my belief that diets don’t work. I had actually started to doubt my belief…so much so that when Jack Shit asked if I’d pose for a picture holding a 3 x 5 card that says… “the never-say-diet attitude of Karen Anderson” for a blog post he had planned, I almost wanted to ask him if I could change it to something else.

In the end, I didn’t because you know what? I’ve been the most successful at losing weight (and gaining health), when I’ve NOT been focused on losing weight. And these days, dieting means focusing on losing weight.

Joy Tanksley, who happened to say this…

“I think being open and authentic is one of the badassiest things a person can possibly do. And by that definition, my dear, you are a badass. Sorry to break it to you. :)”

…in response to my badass comment on Facebook, recently wrote an excellent blog post about that relates to this very subject. No, not about being badass but about how to get what you really want.

But here’s the thing: do you KNOW what you really want? Do I? More and more I think I do. And when I focus on what I really want (which has nothing to do with how much I weigh), I feel better, and my body/mind/spirit responds in kind.

When I start getting caught up in what I think I should want, based on what others are doing and wanting, or based on what the media says I should want or do, well my body/mind/spirit responds to that too. And not in a good way. I’ve been through the cycle enough times to know!!

And so since last week, when I wrote Back To (Self-Love) Basics, I’ve been practicing EFT almost every day and focusing on the stuff that truly lights me up: writing and connecting with others.

As a result, I have felt more peaceful with myself and my body, and as a result, I feel less desperate, and as a result, I feel less of a need to control food, and as a result, I am eating less, and as a result, I am moving my body more consistently (but not necessarily more intensely)…and all of this without really thinking about it. I just do it.

Does this make me badass? I don’t think so…maybe my attitude is considered “extreme” to some, but I’d like to see it become more the norm.

What about you? Are you badass? If so, how? If not, do you wish you were? Why? Is being badass something to strive for? Is it sustainable?

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It’s always been about that, hasn’t it? Making small, sustainable changes, one or two at a time, that add up over time to solve the health puzzle. You know I am firm believer in the idea that if you focus on your health and happiness (and not losing weight), your body will respond in surprising ways.

So when the folks at MeYou Health asked me to participate in their #SmallActions Blogger Challenge, which ran from August 7 though 14, I was cautiously curious. I don’t like “challenges” almost as much as I don’t like “goals.”

So I checked it out ahead of time and signed up for the Daily Challenge (“Do one small healthy action every day and discover how rewarding it is to focus on your well-being.”). I  was pleasantly surprised to see that these actions were easy to understand and do, usually right then and there, and only took a few minutes.

So I said “yes” with the caveat that I’d be in Vermont on a motorcycle with Tim for part of that time.

So here’s how it works: after you sign up, you get a daily email that outlines a small action. It tells you how to do it, step-by-step and then tells you why it matters.

Once complete, you click “done” and you get points. You can get additional points for posting on how you completed the challenge, for “smiling” at or commenting on participant’s posts, and for sharing the challenge on Facebook and Twitter. The more points you get, the faster you move up through various levels. Oh, and you also get badges. And there may even be some other stuff of which I am unaware!

On a side note, I have to admit that I really don’t care for any of that…I am not motivated by points and badges. In fact, I recently learned that there’s a name for this: “gamification” (using game-like functions – badges, awards, points – to encourage people to do certain things). Click the link to read what Katy Widwrick has to say about it.

But that’s not why I did the challenge and it’s not why I continue to participate even though the #SmallActions Blogger Challenge is over. I continue because I like the awareness and mindfulness that these small actions bring to my life.

For example, August 9th’s small action was this: “Wait for an imaginary bus by turning your head and holding for a count of 5. Then turn your head to the other side and do the same thing.”

I did it as soon as I finished reading about it. And then later that day, while in the midst of a long-ish ride on the motorcycle, I did it several times and it felt really good!

August 12th’s small action was similarly appreciated after a long ride: “While sitting in a chair, turn to your right and hold onto the back of the chair with your right hand and the arm of the chair with your left. With your hands in place, twist your torso, shoulders, and neck as far as you can toward the back of the chair. Hold the pose for a few seconds. Then do the same thing on the other side.”

Other examples:

“Find out about your food’s freshness.” This action took me to a website that listed the safe time limits for commonly refrigerated items, including raw meat and poultry, lunch meats, soups and stews, and different types of cooked leftovers.

“Bring order to your bookshelf.” I loved this decluttering action (and it could be used for closets, kitchen cabinets or any place that tends to stagnate with stuff). The directions were to set a timer for 10 minutes, pick any shelf on your bookcase and starting on the right side, pull any books that you didn’t like or that you probably won’t read again. Set them aside for donation.

“Do a knock-out move.” Stand with your legs about hip-width apart and bend your knees slightly. Hold your hands up in fists near your face. Punch the air in front of you at shoulder height, alternating arms. Contract your abdominal muscles to support your back, and make sure you don’t lock your elbows as you punch. Do this for 30 seconds and take a quick breather, then go back for another 30-second round.

As someone who kickboxes, this was a walk in the park, but that’s not the point. Not all the actions are challenging, nor are some of them new to me, but they do bring awareness and awareness is the key.

Do you participate in the Daily Challenge or something like it? If so, what motivates you? Were you even aware that “gamification” existed?

 

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Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ~ Anais Nin

Some of the most powerful knowledge and support I have ever received has come via the Internet, specifically through groups of women who happened to find themselves together on the same website. In fact, some of these women have become what I would consider to be good friends, whether we ever met “in real life” or not. Some of these women I have known for more than 10 years!

It is with that in mind that I have joined with Holistic Health Counselor and Certified Intuitive Eating  Coach Christie Inge (she’s also one of those friends I talked about above) to create The Inner (Work) Circle.

It was Christie’s idea. As she put it: “When I started my coaching practice last year, it was always my goal to create a online circle for women who wanted to heal their relationships with food, their bodies and their entire beings.”

The Inner (Work) Circle is a place for women to connect, learn and grow. It is a safe, online space for you to do the inner work needed to drop the struggle with food, your body and your weight. It  is for any woman who wants to:

…heal her relationship with food

…bridge the gap between intuitive eating and weight loss

…nurture self-awareness, self-acceptance and compassion

…receive unwavering support

…support and help other women do that same

…work with Christie and me in a low-cost group setting

Based on the circular concept of empowerment – which in practice helps people gain control over their own lives and fosters power within them – as well as the idea that weight loss is an inside job, we have created the Inner (Work) Circle as a welcoming, safe, private place for you.

Your monthly membership to this exclusive, online community includes:

  • Members-only access to the Inner (Work) Circle private forum where you will connect with Christie, me, and your fellow participants
  • Exclusive, weekly focus content to aid in your awareness, wisdom, and growth
  • Access to our coaching tools as well as direct, online support from both of us
  • Daily (M-F) feedback and support from Karen and me on the forum and monthly call
  • Members-only, monthly self-discovery book club
  • Monthly conference calls with Karen and me to discuss and receive support around that month’s book. The calls will be recorded for anyone who cannot attend live.
  • Exclusive offers and savings on products and services

You are not alone. That is the most powerful aspect of The Inner (Work) Circle. By supporting others in journeys similar to our own, we develop a sense of compassion that we can, in turn, apply to ourselves. And when we receive compassion, we can, in turn, apply it to others.

The circle of compassion and empowerment is infinite.

Join us. Step into the circle.

$29 per month (you may cancel at anytime)

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Courtesy of Rob Woodrum

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. ”You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” ~ from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

(I was going through my file of quotes and came across this…I read this book as a child and have read this quote many times over the years. It’s beautiful and it’s timeless.)

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