September 2011

When you feel good about yourself, your body is not operating in stress response mode and so it works more efficiently – it burns more calories and absorbs and assimilates the vitamins and minerals in the food you eat. As a result, cravings and binge eating are reduced or eliminated.

One way to feel better about yourself is to make sure you’re wearing clothes that fit and make you feel fantastic. A great place to start is with undergarments. Several years ago I wrote an article for a local magazine about the art and science of bra fittings. Here are the highlights:

Most women wear bras that don’t fit because, according to experts, most large retail stores carry a only small percentage of the actual sizes available. The most common fitting error women make is to wear a band size that is too big and a cup size that is too small. In order to accommodate breasts that should be in a larger cup, women will choose a bra with a band size that is too big because as band size goes up, so does cup size, even though the size on the label remains the same.

For example, a DD cup on a bra with a band size of 38 is slightly smaller than a DD cup on a bra with a band size of 40. There is an inverse relationship between the cup and the band. For example, if you have a 38D and it’s too loose, you want to try a 36DD. If the band size goes down, the cup size goes up to maintain the same breast size. When you go up in cup size, the increase represents less than one square inch of fabric.

Because breasts have no muscle in them, they can’t lift themselves up. A bra does the lifting, but only if it fits properly. Think of a see-saw: if band size is too loose, the weight of your breasts will pull the band up in back, thus providing no support in front. It’s NOT the straps that provide the support, it’s the band.

To prove it, all you have to do is try on a properly fitting strapless bra to find that this isn’t true. Trust me. After I found out my real size, I tried on a strapless bra in the correct size and was amazed at how well it held me up. I even jumped around and my girls stayed firmly in place!  So, the key to perky breasts is a bra with a band that is tight enough and low enough on your back.

Another mistake many women make is picking a bra with cups that don’t encompass their entire breast. The cup should lay flat against the skin and be big enough to contain the breast on the top, bottom and sides. The underwire should sit right under the base of the breast and the gore (the center panel), should lie flush against your skin.

To get a true fitting, uses bras that don’t have molded or contoured cups, or cups with any stretch in them. From that baseline you can then try different styles, brands and fabrics.

For my fitting, I went to Zöe & Co. in Westerly, RI. After an initial assessment and taking some measurements, I was told to start with a 36F. F??!! I couldn’t believe it! I had worn a 38D into the store and thought it fit pretty well. So with a lesson on how to properly put on a bra (see below) I tried the 36F. After some adjustment, it became obvious that the cups were still a bit small, so I went up a cup size to 36G. I was assured that I was not abnormal and that what we think of as “normal” bra sizes – 34 or 36 B, C and D – are just as prevalent as a 32F or a 42A.

I was then brought all the 36G bras from Zoe’s stock and I was able to try on all kinds of bras, from basic t-shirt bras to sexy, frilly bras, to bras in all kinds of colors and patterns, and bras in different styles (demi cups, strapless, push-up…yes they even make push-up bras in size 36G!). After the initial shock wore off, I was happy to find that there were so many bras, in so many styles and colors, available to me. And they are available to all women of all sizes.

A good lingerie shop should carry a range of  brands in cup sizes from AA to JJ and in band sizes from 28 to 54 and should  have a staff of professional bra fitters who have received training. It is also recommended that you get fitted every six months or so. Since my initial fitting, I have “shrunk” to a 34 F.

Six steps for putting a bra on correctly:

1. Lean over as you slide the straps over your shoulders so your breasts fall into the cups
2. Stand up and fasten the bra (if it’s a new bra or you’re being fitted, fasten the bra using the middle hook).
3. Lift up on the straps and pull them back across your shoulders. Make sure you adjust the strap tension so that you can get one finger comfortably under the strap.
4. Reach around and pull the back band down as far as it will go.
5. Reach into each cup and adjust your breasts so that your nipple is centered in the cup (a good rule of thumb is to make sure your nipple sits where the dart meets the seam).
6. Pull up on the top of the cup while gently pulling down on your skin below the cup to make sure the underwire is right under the base of your breasts.

 Do you know what a properly fitting bra looks like? What are the signs that a bra is the wrong size? Here is a checklist: 

• The bra rides up in back. This means your band size is too large and isn’t providing enough support in front. The bottom of the bra in the front and back should be parallel to the floor or slightly lower in the back. The lower edge of the band should anchor below the shoulder blades. The lower the back fits, the better the support.
• The straps fall off your shoulders. If tightening the strap doesn’t work, the problem could be that your cup size is too big. Not filling out the top of your cup will cause your straps to slide down your shoulders. The bra style could also be the problem. Wide-set straps are popular, but if you have small or sloping shoulders, this style is not for you.
• Your breasts spill over tops and sides, or even from under the cups. This means the cup is too small. This seems like an obvious problem but  many women make this mistake.
• The center panel, or gore, pushes away from the body. This is a sign that your cup size is too small or that the gore is not large enough to accommodate the separation between your breasts
• The cups are baggy or pucker. If you don’t fill out the cups, you need a smaller size. The edges of the cups should also lie flat against your breast. If there is a gap (especially with padded bras), you should go down a cup size.
• You can fit more than one finger under the front band. A bra should be snug, but not too tight. If it’s tight, you need a larger band size or a looser hook placement.

This photo from bratabase.com shows how wearing a properly fitting bra with larger cups actually makes this woman's breasts look smaller.

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nom nom nom: the sound made when someone is eating or chewing something and really enjoying it. ~ Urban Dictionary

When I was a kid, I remember my grandmother telling me that I should chew every bite 40 times. I also remember rolling my eyes at her…well, not so that she could see. I thought it was silly…she thought chewing 40 times preventing choking and I thought it was something an old person should do, but not me.

Over the years, every once in a while, her advice would pop into my head and I would try to chew 40 times and found it not only hard to do, but kind of gross. And I still thought it was silly.

As I’ve said here on this blog several times, Tim eats slowly and the other night I noticed (not for the first time), that he tends to chew a lot. I know that his father has a fear of choking, and he told me that it’s because, as a child, it was his job to make sure his own mother (who had Parkinson’s disease) didn’t choke when she ate.

I thought, perhaps, that Tim’s Dad had instilled the lesson, and that Tim didn’t think it was silly. And have I said lately that Tim is what I consider to be a naturally thin person?

And have I said lately that I’ve been thinking a lot about eating more slowly myself, but also seem to forget, even with a reminder?

So getting back to the other night, I asked Tim to count how many times he chews each bite. After taking several bites, he said he counted between 30 and 50 chews, depending on the size of the bite!

So I made myself count my chews and at first, I was chewing maybe 15 to 20 times and that was with me focused on chewing more! But as dinner progressed, I was able to chew 40 times or more, again, depending on the size of the bite. I also made a point of putting my fork down in between bites.

I felt like a recalcitrant child who was finally learning a lesson.

So after dinner, I googled “40 chews per bite” and was impressed with the information I discovered. There were plenty of articles and blog posts about a study done in China that revealed that chewing more can cut calorie intake by 12% and that those who chew more had lower levels of ghrelin, the so-called hunger hormone produced in the stomach.

Not only that, but chewing more reduces digestive issues and helps us taste our food more, and when we taste more, there is more satisfaction and pleasure, which, as I said in Slow Is The New Sexy*, is linked to all kinds of good things.

I also made myself a new sign.

I want to close this post with something I remember reading in the book The End Of Overeating by Dr. David Kessler (paraphased): Not only are foods (especially in restaurants) spiked with lots of salt, fat and sugar, they are also processed to make them easy to swallow, minimizing the amount of chewing required. One food industry insider quoted in the book calls it “adult baby food.”

And in this interview, Kessler says, “it’s almost as if it’s predigested. It goes down in a whoosh, because the food is so highly processed. We used to chew about 20 chews per bite. Today, it’s two or three.  Food is now designed for a quick disappearance; the food industry understands that rollercoaster in the mouth. When that food goes down easy, you reach for the repeat.”

Definitely something to chew on.

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I eat too fast. I’ve eaten too fast for as long as I can remember. Many times over the years (and here on this blog) I have made pronouncements about trying to eat more slowly, to be more present at meals, blah blah blah.

I even made a little sign that says “slow down” and it’s taped to the chair opposite where I sit at the dining room table. And that’s all well and good for dinner (if I pay attention to it) but it doesn’t address all the other times I eat during the day.

I give myself a lot credit for being aware of my too-fast-eating and as a result, I am sometimes able to catch myself. I am also becoming aware of the reasons I eat too fast, and the conditions under which it happens: sometimes it’s because I am excited and just want to get done with the eating; sometimes it’s because I’ve let myself get too hungry; and other times (and these are the times it’s hard for me to notice) it’s because I am stressed or upset.

But you know what? Until recently, eating slowly has been just one more “should” for me…something I knew was good for me, but didn’t really understand. And I tend to resist stuff I don’t understand (go figure).

What comes next is not news, I didn’t make it up, and some of it I already knew, but it has changed my rather flip attitude about how I eat and makes me really want to slow down.

We live in a stressful world (duh) and our bodies have become used to existing in a constant state of low-level stress (anxiety, fear).

When we’re in this state, our bodies’ physiological response includes an increase in blood pressure and heart rate as the blood rushes away from our cores (digestive area) and to our brains and limbs so we can think and move quickly. Our digestion shuts down, slowing calorie-burning capability.

That’s exactly what we need if we have to escape from lions and tigers and bears oh my.

Add to this that when we feel bad about our bodies, when we think we’re not good enough, or “I’m too fat and I can’t control myself and I am so stupid and bad,” we’re INCREASING our stress response. Our bodies interpret these thoughts as stress. So, if the method you choose to lose weight makes you feel any of these things, you’re more likely to gain weight rather than lose it, while using your chosen method of weight loss.

Add to that, eating too fast, which is also registered by our bodies as stress, and we’ve got a lot going against us in terms of being able to lose weight…and none of it has anything to do with the actual food we’re eating (or not eating)!

So basically, you could be eating the healthiest food on the planet but if your body is in stress response mode (due to actual stress or stress you choose) you won’t be getting its full nutritional value because your body is excreting (versus absorbing and assimilating) vitamins and nutrients. And when your body doesn’t get what it needs from food, you remain hungry.

This reminds me of what my naturopath explained to me back when I had Lyme disease and hormone imbalance. She said that Lyme neurotoxins block cell receptor sites, so metabolic processes do not work optimally. Hormones (including thyroid), which also help control metabolic processes, can also be affected by Lyme disease. Because my body wasn’t able to get the nutrients it needed and because I wasn’t feeling well, I was always hungry and turning to food for comfort. I felt out of control and pathetic. I was stressed and desperate. And the cycle continued.

By contrast, the relaxation response prompts full, healthy digestion, vitamin and nutrient absorption, and calorie burning power. So, slow and relaxed eating is the key to healthy weight loss and a more positive body image.

Another important factor is pleasure, which is a catalyst for digestion and relaxation. I’m not making this up…pleasure is a physiological requirement. Without it, our bodies respond by wanting to eat more. Really. That’s why I can eat a small bit of really good dark chocolate and be satisfied, but give me M&Ms or similar and I want (and often eat) the whole bag. Fast.

One more thing: “pleasure” and “slow” are chemically and emotionally connected. If you’re moving too fast, you can’t experience pleasure…whatever it is you’re doing, you need time to register it with all senses in order for it to be truly pleasurable.

So all of those woo woo things that I believe – that self-acceptance and loving your body right now are more powerful than diet alone – actually have a basis in science and fact.

Now, it’s time for me to really slow down, relax, and enjoy my food.

What about you? Do you believe the science? How fast do you eat? What, if anything, are you doing to slow down?

*Marc David

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Clean pain is a pure emotion like sadness or anger.

Dirty pain is the (usually negative) story we tell about the clean pain. It’s what we make the clean pain mean.

Clean pain is pure, real pain generated by a real, hurtful experience and felt in that moment.

Dirty pain is the result of our thoughts about how wrong the hurtful experience is, how it proves we are bad. Dirty pain keeps us stuck.

Much of my unhappiness comes from dirty pain (my thoughts), not from clean pain (my emotions).

Clean pain is fleeting, dirty pain wallows.

I tend to think that if I feel sad or angry, I am blaming someone else for my feelings, and so clean pain often feels dirty even though I know that there is nothing wrong with feeling clean pain over a hurtful experience.

Sometimes I don’t know the difference between clean pain and dirty pain.

In some cases and with some people I find it difficult to distinguish between clean pain and dirty pain.

In some cases and with some people clean pain switches to dirty pain in the blink of an eye.

In some cases and with some people I use dirty pain to cover up my clean pain because my clean pain is sometimes too hard to handle.

It’s hard to admit that I create my own dirty pain.

I used to think that personal responsibility meant ignoring my clean pain and soldiering on anyway. I thought personal responsibility meant denying those emotions.

If I eat too much food when I am sad, I am taking clean pain and making it dirty.

If I am ashamed of my body (dirty pain), I am not taking personal responsibility.

When I allow myself to cry when I am sad or hurt, and to vent when I am frustrated or angry, I am being personally responsible.

When I tell myself that I am silly or wrong when I am sad, hurt, angry or frustrated, I am inviting dirty pain and dirty pain means I am not being personally responsible.

It’s up to me to know who/what sources of information are reliable and which ones are not.

It is up to me to reframe negative messages into positive ones, to not take them in and live them.

It’s okay for me to grieve. It’s okay for me to be sad. It’s also okay for me to be angry.

There is value in telling my story about my pain, whether clean or dirty, but it’s even more valuable to know the difference and to be honest about it.

When I stop trying to control the uncontrollable, I get what I thought I’d get if I were in control.

I am grateful for my wonderful life, but all the gratitude in the world doesn’t matter if I think I am undeserving of all that I have. So, it is my responsibility to know that I deserve it.

In understanding these distinctions, I feel resistance melting away.

Previous posts about resistance:

Examining Resistance – Part 1

Sitting In The Palm Of God’s Hand, Or, Examining Resistance – Part 2

This Is Me Doing Something That Scares Me, Or, Examining Resistance – Part 3 

Tell me about clean pain and dirty pain in your life…

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