December 2011

Dec
31

And no, it’s not “ballast.”

The other day my stepson Bryan came home from work (he’s living with us temporarily) and said that he’d watched a cool TED talk during his lunch break. He said it was about a guy who wants to fly around the world in a solar-powered aircraft, non-stop, using no fuel. The guy, it turns out, is Bertrand Piccard, who, along with Brian Jones, is known for completing the first non-stop balloon flight around the globe in 1999.

Like many TED talks, this one is about so much more. I encourage you to watch all of it, but for purposes of this post, I want to focus on a few things he says about what he learned while taking that non-stop balloon flight.

“So many people learn that the unknown, the doubts, the question marks, are dangerous. We have to resist change. We have to keep everything under control. And in that sense ballooning is a beautiful metaphor. Because in the balloon, like in life, we go in unforeseen directions. We want to go in one direction, but the winds push us in another. And as long as we fight horizontally, against life, against the winds, against what’s happening to us, life is a nightmare.

How do we steer a balloon? By understanding that the atmosphere is made out of several different layers of wind all of which have different direction. If we want to change our trajectory, in life or in the balloon, we have to change altitude. Changing altitude, in life, means rising to another psychological, philosophical, spiritual level. But how do we do that? In ballooning or in life, how do we change altitude? How do we go from the metaphor to something more practical that we can use every day? Well, in a balloon, it’s easy, we have ballast. And when we drop the ballast overboard, we climb. Sand, water, all the equipment we don’t need any more. And I think in life it should be exactly like this.

You know, when people speak about the pioneering spirit, very often they believe that pioneers are the ones who have new ideas. It’s not true. The pioneers are not the ones who have new ideas, they are the ones who allow themselves to throw overboard a lot of ballast. Habits, certainties, convictions, exclamation marks, paradigms, dogmas. And when we are able to do that what happens? Life isn’t going in just one direction, in one dimension. No. Life is going to be made out of all the possible lines that go in all possible directions in three dimensions.

Each time we allow ourselves to explore this vertical axis, we are pioneers, not just in the atmosphere as a balloonist, but in life itself. Exploring this vertical axis, means exploring all the different ways to do, all the different ways to behave, all the different ways to think, before we find the one that takes us in the direction we wish to go. This is very practical. And it can be used in any aspect of life: politics…spirituality…environment…finance…education of children.”

[And in health, weight, body image, diet, exercise...]

“It’s not easy to know which ballast to drop and which altitude to take. Sometimes we need friends, family members or a psychiatrist. In balloons we need weathermen, the ones who calculate the direction of each layer of wind, at which altitude. But sometimes it’s paradoxical. When Brian Jones and I were flying around the world, the weatherman asked us, one day, to fly quite low, and very slowly. And when we calculated, we thought, ‘we’re never going to make it at that speed.’ So we disobeyed. We flew much higher and at double the speed. I was so proud to have found that jetstream that I called the weatherman and I told him:

‘Hey guy, don’t you think we’re good pilots up here? We fly twice the speed you predicted.’

And he told me, ‘Don’t do that. Go down immediately in order to slow down.’

And I started to argue. ‘I’m not going to do that. We don’t have enough gas to fly so slow.’

‘Yes, but with the low pressure you have on your left, if you fly too fast, in a couple of hours you will turn left and end up at the North Pole.’

And then he asked me something, something I will never forget: ‘What do you really want? You want to go very fast in the wrong direction, or slowly in the good direction?’

And so we went down. We slowed down. And we went through moments of fear because we had no idea how the little amount of gas we had in the balloon could allow us to travel 45,000 kilometers. But we were expected to have doubts, we’re expected to have fears. And this where the adventure really started.”

Again, I highly recommend watching/listening to the whole talk. But I think you get my point. No matter what you want to call them: resolutions, goals, intentions, dreams, visions…we all have them.

As Piccard says, the most renewable energy we have is our own potential and our own passion. What threatens the resolutions, goals, intentions, dreams, and visions is burning too much energy as we fight against the natural direction the winds can take us…instead of understanding that sometimes we have to slow down in order to go in the desired direction…and that sometimes we have to get rid of some ballast in order to find the right altitude.

I didn’t intend to make this a suspenseful post, but Part 1 is long enough and there’s plenty to think about. In Part 2, I will reveal my word for 2012.

{ 10 comments }

Dec
30

Reflections On Awe

27 comments

in Uncategorized

Awe: an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, or extremely powerful.

Dear Dad…

Towards the end of last year I decided that, instead of making a resolution or setting a specific goal (which I wouldn’t have done anyway), I would choose a word to embody how I wanted to feel in 2011. Yeah, even though I stubbornly refuse to do things the way most others do, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want my life to be the best it can be.

I had planned on writing a blog post on New Year’s Day, announcing that word. But then you went out – along with 2010 – with a bang on New Year’s Eve.

The word I chose was “awe,” and, starting with your very unexpected death and my reaction to it before I was consciously aware of it, my year has reverberated with awe.

That’s the thing about choosing a word: it shows up in all sorts of ways…ways that may not feel good or right in the moment, but which, in hindsight, fit the meaning of the word. In fact, I feel a little foolish because, even though I know what “awe” means, I didn’t look it up for the full definition before choosing it. Still I don’t regret it.

So why did I chose “awe“? I was expecting big things for myself in 2011. My book was published in March and along with that came awe at realizing not only my dream come true, but starting to understand (finally) why I am here. And so it shows up when I am asked to speak and share my story with others…and when people I don’t know tell me that my words helped them.

Just yesterday, I saw this quote: “I do not want to be known for losing weight. I want to be known for changing my life.” The Anti-Jared

That’s exactly it.

So how did awe show up in other parts of my life this year?

It showed up when Holly, Chris and I came together in Florida, ostensibly to take care of your affairs, but in reality, it was much-needed sibling time, without our spouses or other distractions. We laughed a lot more than we cried…I think we were still in shock.

It showed up big time when I witnessed the birth of Jessica’s son, Finnian. It shows up when I play with him and feel as if I am channeling you, or as if I am actually looking through your eyes. When that happens, I know you are here.

It showed up during your service at Arlington and realizing how many times we say goodbye, but not really.

It showed up when I found a pen from the Daytona Auto Auction on the front seat of my car. I’d never seen it before. It shows up when I visit you in my dreams. At first these incidents would upset me and I sensed that you were staying away. I am more receptive now. So yes please!

It even showed up in one of our favorite topics: violent weather. Although Hurricane Irene was not as bad a storm as she could have been, she brought down that massive maple tree in our backyard and I saw it as it happened. To talk about AWE! That it did no damage to the house was a miracle.

It shows up when I manage to deal with my anxiety rather than let it overtake me. And it shows up when I do let it overtake me.

It showed up when I realized that crying because I miss you doesn’t mean that I don’t treasure our memories. I used to think that I had to laugh or be happy in order to be “treasuring the memory” and that’s just not the case. Whether they evoke a smile or tear, the memories are still treasured.

It shows up each and every time I grieve your loss and realize that I am not destroyed. My feelings – all of them – are worthy of being felt. My tears are quality tears.

It shows up when I am able to consciously choose to be the kind of person I want to be (a hint at my word for 2012).

A year ago today we had our last conversation. The insight you provided was much needed and is much appreciated. Given that you were about to have a massive heart attack, perhaps I assign that conversation more profundity than it would have if you weren’t. Either way, it was a game-changer for me and I am so very grateful and yes, awed, that we were able to have it.

Much, much love…Karen

“Years end is neither an end nor a beginning, but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.” ~ Hal Borland

{ 27 comments }

Dec
29

Need Help Staying Hydrated On The Go? A Give-Away!

37 comments

in Giveaways, Just For Fun

I LOVE water. Getting enough has never been a problem for me, even when I was stuffing my body with other crap. It was and remains my main source of fluids and I generally drink between 80 and 100 ounces per day, sometimes more. It has gotten to the point that, on those rare occasions that I do not get enough, I feel physically ill.

That said, I am a water snob. No, I don’t buy bottled water (which I find to be a waste on many different levels) unless I need it in a pinch, but I much prefer water that has been filtered.

I grew up with wonderfully cold and delicious well water right out of the tap. When I wasn’t so lucky to live in a house with well water, I used a Brita filter pitcher. For the past nine years I’ve been lucky enough to have a fridge that has a built-in filtered water dispenser.

Over the years I’ve collected a variety of portable water bottles for use when I am out and about. Some are plastic, some are metal, and about a year ago, I got a glass bottle that has a silicone sleeve and a plastic cap, which protects it if dropped.

I love that glass bottle…it’s dishwasher safe, it’s free of chemicals that the experts say are bad for us, and best of all, in my opinion, water tastes best out of glass. The plastic and metal bottles are either collecting dust in the cabinet or I’ve gotten rid of them.

So when the Bamboo Water Bottle Company contacted me and asked if I’d try its new water bottle, I was intrigued*. You can read what they (and others) say about the product on the company’s site, but here are the basics:

It’s a 17-ounce glass water bottle, encased in a removable bamboo sleeve, with a food-grade plastic cap and base.

When I received it, I immediately took it apart so I could wash it and put it to its intended use. I was a little put off at how stiff the glass/plastic connection was in terms of both disassembly and reassembly, and time will tell if it gets easier.

Pros:

It’s gorgeous.
It’s environmentally and health friendly (although I am often skeptical of such marketing gimmicks).
Water always tastes better in glass.
The bamboo is not only pretty and renewable, it’s truly protective. I dropped my bottle and it was fine.
It’s dishwasher safe (sans the bamboo sleeve).
The mouth of the bottle is wide enough to easily add ice cubes.
The bamboo sleeve seems to keep water colder, longer.

Cons:

Bottle holds only 17 ounces. Depending on how long I am going to be out, 17 ounces won’t last long.
As previously said, disassembly/assembly is fiddly and sort of difficult, as is screwing the cap back on after taking a sip.
It’s a tad heavy. This isn’t really a “con” unless you want to take it hiking or something.
A pop top, flip top, or straw would make using it easier. In looking at the company’s online store, I noted that there is a version available with a flip top.

Do You Want One?

Bamboo Water Bottle Company has graciously offered to give one away to one of my readers. Comment on this post to enter. If you’re so inclined, you can also check out Bamboo Water Company on Facebook and Twitter.

Contest ends 12/31/11 at 5:00 p.m.. A winner will be chosen at random.

Bamboo Water Company is also offering 20% off the price of a bottle (list price is $25). Just enter “health” (without the quotation marks) in the coupon code box at checkout.

*I did not receive any financial compensation for this review, though I did receive a sample of the product for evaluation purposes. The opinions are based only on my experiences with the product.

{ 37 comments }

Dec
20

A Night Out

17 comments

in Uncategorized

Because I work at home and live in a rather laid-back, casual area of Connecticut (versus working in New York City, which I did from 1984-1997), not to mention that I don’t travel for work like I used to (through 2003), I don’t often have an excuse to get really dressed up any more. There have been a few weddings and other special events, and Tim’s company holiday parties. This year, the party was held at The Spa At Norwich Inn and we decided to take advantage of a group rate and spend the night. I also splurged and got my hair done.

When Tim took this picture of me I thought back to the photo he took of me last year, which I used on my *Results Not Typical page (a brief history of my “before” and “after” and “AFTER” photos) to indicate “right now.” I think I’ll add this photo to that page because it exudes the inner peace and confidence I feel these days.

{ 17 comments }

Dec
19

The Power Of Female Friendships

8 comments

in Uncategorized

Excerpted from an article I wrote in 2006 for Grace magazine

“We value our friends not for their ability to make us laugh, but for our ability to make them laugh.”

I am not sure when I first heard this or who said it, but it has proven to be true in my life. When I can make a friend laugh, I feel needed and valued. The same holds true for being there to listen, hug, or cry with.

Gina Barreca, Professor of English Literature and Feminist Theory at the University of Connecticut and best-selling author and columnist, explains it this way: “Women look for more than just companionship. We are looking for comfort, validation, and reassurance that we’re not nuts.”

Much has been written about the power of women’s friendships and the role they play in our emotional development and physical health. In Connecting: The Enduring Power of Female Friendship, author Sandy Sheehy explores the premise that the bond between women friends is not only a powerful emotional force, but may even be rooted in physiology. Some researchers have found that women who have close connections with other women lead physically healthier lives.

So what is it that friends do for each other? Give advice? Listen and nod? Bring a covered dish? Share a bottle of wine? Yes to all of these things, but more importantly, our women friends know us in a way that most people don’t. Even women we haven’t known very long.

Barreca explains that women are able to be intimate on contact and that, in and of itself, is powerful. “You can feel like you are best friends with someone you just met,” she says. “Two guys could know each other for 30 years and the only things they know about each other are their names and what kinds of cars they drive. A woman can meet another woman and in 15 minutes she knows if she’s in a relationship, if there are problems in that relationship and if she’s taking her estrogen orally or via a patch.”

Another way women help each other is by allowing them to feel what they feel. “When you admit to your friend how you feel, whether it’s sad, anxious, angry or triumphant, she will work with your feelings, not try to reason you into or out of them,” Barreca says. It’s that validation thing again. Knowing that we’re okay and that we’re not nuts. “With your girlfriends you can laugh at the injustices and absurdities of life and demystify them, make them less sacred. You might start out in tears but you end up laughing.”

Women’s friendships come in many forms. We have best friends, work friends, friends of friends, and groups of friends. And these days, social networking and blogging has brought friendship to a whole new level. Back when I wrote this article, the Internet wasn’t exactly new, but it certainly wasn’t as evolved as it is now. And it played a role in the development of a couple of close friendships that are now almost 15 years old!

One of my most enduring and treasured friendships is with a group of six women who are from five different states and a Canadian province. I found Janet (Virginia), Stacey (British Columbia), Dede (Texas), Nette (Louisiana), Sue (Michigan) and Carla (Alabama) on the Internet. On the surface, we’re an unlikely group of friends, but we’re in touch on a daily basis, we genuinely care about each other and know each other in ways that even our some of our “real life” friends don’t.

We discovered each other in 1998 on a message board on America Online called “The Second Wives Club.” As a new “second wife” and stepmother, I found it to be a great place to compare notes with others in the same situation. Over the years, we gravitated towards each other and formed what we now call “the loop.” Instead of posting on the message board, we found it safer, easier and more intimate to email each other as a group.

We’ve become a tight-knit group that has supported each other through everything from the typical day-to-day stuff, to such serious issues as dealing with the mental illness of a stepchild, illness, surgery, death, hurricanes, divorce, and even the brutal murder of two family members. What we have come to know is that you can love and trust someone you’ve never met and who comes from a completely different walk of life than your own. We have literally cried with each other and laughed out loud with each other, right through our computer screens. The most amazing thing of all, at least to me, has been witnessing the personal growth the seven of us have achieved. And much of that growth has been due to our friendship and the unique support we have received because of it. We all agree that it’s rare to find the same level of support from “real life” friends because of the time we take when we write out our advice and comments, versus saying it out loud.

Sue put it perfectly: “I think of the loop as a huge energy bowl. We may not be feeling energetic at the same time, but we can always come here, to fill up on the strength of others. And while my real-life friends share more of my life physically, I share more emotionally with my online friends.” Echoing the quote at the beginning of this article, Carla says: “The loop is good, true and comfortable. When I’m feeling down, my online friends make me feel better, either by giving me helpful words or advice, or by needing my helpful words or advice. It has also taught me that I have much more to offer and teach people from my own experience than I ever thought.”

{ 8 comments }

← Previous Entries