February 2013

Feb
20

An Unexpected Lesson In Mastery (Or, Why Do We Tell Ourselves Bullshit Stories?)

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What if you are not…

…broken

…incomplete

…too fat

…too weak

…stuck

…pathetic

…too busy

…[fill in the blank]

…or any of the other bullshit stories you’ve been telling yourself?

And what if there’s nothing to fix before you you’re allowed to…

…write that book

…be happy

…like yourself

…start (or grow) that business

…meet the person of your dreams

…fall in love

…lose weight

…be powerful

…live your freaking life?

 And WHAT IF…

…writing that book

…being happy

…liking yourself

…starting (or growing) that business

…meeting the person of your dreams

…falling in love

…losing weight

…being powerful

…living your freaking life?

…was actually dependent on believing that you ARE whole and complete right now?

Could you do it? Can you tell yourself a story that’s not full of bullshit?

I’ve been doing A LOT of Acceptance Whispering in the past few weeks…not just with others, but also with myself. And I’ve been hearing lots of bullshit stories (and some of the biggest ones are those I was telling myself).

For example: I have to be pathetic in order to have something worthy of sharing.

Wait, what? Yeah. Let that sink in for a moment.

Let me start by saying that I didn’t fully realize I was telling myself that story.

So what do I mean by that?

At first, this blog post was going to be about how I did a teleclass last week and then afterwards had a meltdown because I thought it sucked. Well, not the whole thing, but the last part, where I opened it up to anyone who wanted some coaching.

And I thought, “Well, at least something good can come of it. I can choose to be vulnerable on my blog. I can show how pathetic I am because that’s what I do.”

Yes, I really thought that. And there was some accompanying shame and dread. I shrunk inside.

And I hadn’t even listened to the recording of the call!

And then, I caught myself (with help) telling that bullshit story. And I listened to the recording.

Fact is, I am not pathetic. Not even close. And the call was awesome!

So here’s the question: Why would I choose to believe that I am pathetic? Why would any of us choose to tell ourselves a bullshit story?

In my case, I was convinced that I had to be critical of myself…immediately, without even having heard the recording, without evidence or proof. And here’s the thing: when I do this to myself, it results in feeling shame and dread.

On a deeper level, it stems from the fear that I might not have what it takes to do what I want to do.

And when I have shame, dread, and fear, I shrink and hide. And when I shrink and hide, the result is I most certainly do not have what it takes.

One thing I know for sure is that I’m here to change the way we think about our bodies and ourselves, because when we think we’re broken, we ACT broken. And that’s no way to serve the world…that’s no way to shine brightly…that’s not the way to success, in whatever way you define it. Continuing to think you’re broken only perpetuates brokenness.

If you think you’re broken…if you think that you need fixing before you can have or do what you want, ask yourself why you’re choosing to think that. Ask yourself, “Where am I getting this message from and why do I believe it?” Is it helping you in any way to feel or DO better?

 

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Feb
8

Stuff I Am Doing

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I’ve been getting a lot of questions about Acceptance Whispering so I’m offering a free teleclass on Wednesday, February 13. Check it out, and even if you can’t make it, if you’ve signed up for it, you will get a recording of the call.

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I’m also thrilled to announce that I will be speaking again at Fitbloggin ’13 (June 27-30 in Portland, OR), although I will be on my own this time. Following on Fitbloggin’12′s successful Self-Acceptance & Weight Loss panel discussion with Mara Glatzel and Shauna Reid, this interactive session will focus on how to use Emotional Freedom Techniques (“tapping”) to foster a general sense of self-acceptance and also for specific issues like emotional/binge eating, cravings, poor body image, and even physical pain.

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Acceptance Quote:

“If you’re going to clean your house, you have to see the dirt.” ~ Louise Hay, speaking to Nick Ortner about EFT and why it’s important to acknowledge and accept reality/truth, even if it’s “negative.” Once the truth as been acknowledged and accepted, it can be changed.

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Feb
6

Why I Do My Own Damned Work

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Have you ever had one of those “dark night of the soul” kind of days? The kind that feel full of doom and gloom and WTF?

I had one last week. And the funny thing is that even while in the midst of it, I knew it was short-lived. It was due partly to hormones. For as long as I can remember, every once in a while my monthly period is accompanied by a day or two of absolute dread. And even though I know it’s neither “real” nor warranted, in the moment it feels spectacularly real.

It was also due to feeling as if I’d failed at something at which I really want to excel.

Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I am in the midst of learning a specific style of life coaching (and it’s powerful!). I enrolled in Brooke Castillo’s Life Coach School (LCS) and have completed 12 weeks of skills-based training and a couple of weeks started a 12-week live practicum in which I get on a call twice a week with the 10 other students and with Brooke, and we practice.

Having done well in first 12 weeks, not to mention that I’ve been rockin’ it with my clients for several months and getting amazing feedback from them, I was really looking forward to the practicum.

Until I got on that first call. And then all of a sudden I was full of doubt.

I found myself questioning my every move. For example, just as I was about to jump into the conversation, I stopped myself and thought, “If I just jump in, she might think I’m rude or seeking attention.” And then when I held myself back I thought, “If I hold myself back she might think I’m not assertive enough!”

And then: “I have no idea how to please her!”

And then, “OMG, she’s back. The needy little girl in me who wants Mommy’s approval is back! Where did she come from? I thought I put her to bed for good a year ago!”

(Some of you may remember this blog post: Practicing: Revenge? If you’d like to read it, message me for the password.)

Crazy, right? Anyway, once I realized that I had a major case of wanting to please the teacher, I laughed at myself and relaxed (a little). And I let myself take imperfect action, volunteering to practice along with everyone else knowing that it would feel awkward and that I might not do it “right” the first time. And I didn’t.

LCS Truth: when we try and please someone we’re usually doing so because we think we can control what that person thinks about us. That’s impossible, right? So in the moment of trying to please someone else, we’re basically lying about who we are in order to get that person’s approval. If that person likes us based on a lie, then that person doesn’t really like us.

Anyway, after the call, I took some time to examine my thoughts. I recognized some old belief patterns and decided to do a couple of rounds of EFT. “Even though I feel needy and desperate I still love and accept myself…”

I do my own work so I can do my best work. I have a burning desire show others how they can help themselves and one thing I know for damned sure is that I can’t do that unless I help myself…even if it means I have to go to an uncomfortable place emotionally in order to do so. My feelings cannot destroy me and being uncomfortable is a gift.

“Give yourself permission to doubt yourself. It’s going to happen sometimes, and it’s okay. Don’t pretend. Own it. I believe doubt is a part of growth.  It seems to accompany us to any new venture. It reveals all the thoughts we have that might not serve us. Thoughts to work. Feel your doubt. Work your thoughts. Then, doubt your doubt.” ~ Brooke Castillo

I need to practice in order to master. If you’re interested in some free coaching, please leave a comment below and I’ll be in touch.

THANK YOU TO ALL WHO COMMENTED. I am closing comments on this post as I have filled my calendar!

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