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How do you remind yourself…

…of what’s important to you?

How do you spur yourself to action?

What rings your creativity bell? (thank you Rhonda Woodward, Kaizen-Muse creativity coach for that brilliant phrase)

I usually put it on my bulletin board.

Check out these photos of some of my favorites and the stories behind them.

4

As much as I love writing and expressing myself this way, using my actual voice is important and I need to be reminded of that.

This photo reminds me of who I REALLY am, at the very core of my being.

This photo reminds me of who I REALLY am, at the very core of my being.

6

How will I know what I really stand for if I am not willing to take a stand?

3

Simple elegance or refinement. Seemingly the opposite of the previous sentiment, but not really. Contradiction is okay. Both/and, baby!

2

This one is huge. It’s a quote by Lisa Nichols and I use it to remind me of what’s important when I am taking a stand.

11

Self-explanatory. I can do things my way, easily and naturally, without suffering.

7

Why yes, I do. This is always a good reminder when it comes to taking care of my physical self…

14

From a recent Free Will Astrology horoscope for Scorpios.

12

I’ve had this one for a loooooong time. From Marianne Williamson’s A Return To Love

13

This one too, from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Reminders are good, because sometimes we forget.

Last week I did something I never thought I’d do. I got a small tattoo. It’s on my left arm, just below the inside of my elbow. I did it because I wanted a permanent reminder.

It’s just one word: autonomous.

10Autonomy literally means regulation by the self.

Upon seeing it, Tim, my left-brained engineer husband said: Autonomous? When I think of that word I think of factories and non-human interfaces, robots without identity. That is so not you!

Me: For me, being autonomous means self-expression without fear, the freedom to be who I am without worrying what other people think…not in rebellion, but in regards to self-governance and self-responsibility. It took me a long time to claim it.

Tim: That makes sense. I like it.

So how do you remind yourself? What’s on your bulletin board? Do you have a tattoo? What’s the story behind it?

Messages From Our Mothers…About Time

choosestimeMy friend Amira Alvarez runs a Facebook group called The Posse for women who want to “rock their businesses without contorting their souls.” What I love is that pretty much every day she asks a thought-provoking question. 

Recently she prefaced her question by saying that she was taking her first sips of coffee while chilling in bed with her laptop. She went on to say that this is her morning routine…the way she likes to segue into her day…“no alarm, gently coming into contact with the world on my own terms.”

She related that she didn’t always do this. In the past, upon hearing the alarm she would, “…go ugh, jump out of bed and race around to get things done, feeling the pressure of the day smack dab in my heart and head. I thought this was how to be productive and responsible.”

She recognized that this was totally counter to her energy style and rhythm. It took her a while, but over time she made “little choices and shifts to test and tweak what worked for me, lead by my desire (and commitment) to feeling good.”

So her question that day was, “Where could you move toward ‘better’ in your life? Where? What? How?”

I immediately responded and said,

“I have a very similar morning routine (except that I don’t do the laptop and coffee in bed, I sit in my sunroom-like office). When I embraced that I do better when I don’t have to rush in the morning, and stopped ‘shoulding’ myself about what a morning routine is supposed to look like, everything changed.”

Then I sat there and read what I wrote, thinking about where I could move forward, better, and my mind went into “should” mode without me realizing it…well, actually I DID realize it, and quickly! 

Then came the ah-ha: I could move forward – better – in my life if I embraced that I do GREAT when I don’t have to rush, EVER, and when I stop “shoulding” myself about what my day is supposed to look like. 

Rushing has been a theme for me throughout my life and this isn’t the first time I’ve acknowledged it. I used to think I had to rush, even if it wasn’t necessary. I was unconscious to this for a long time. The messages I got about time were that it is limited, I must use it “wisely,” not waste it, and I must be “productive” with it.

I used to beat myself up because I believed I had TOO MUCH time on my hands (which meant I must not be productive, constructive, or contributing enough…I must be wasting time).

The ah-ha came from realizing I was giving myself permission not to rush in the morning, but was then focused on how I could “fix” rushing throughout the rest of the day. 

All I needed to do is give myself permission not to.

Since then, I have become a woman who not only chooses to have plenty of time, but who also chooses not to feel guilty for it.

What do you choose? Do you need permission to choose it? What’s stopping you?

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Never underestimate the power of writing down your thoughts, especially if you can do it with someone (like me) who can “hear” what you’re really saying and ask if you if that’s what you really mean.

That’s why the programs I offer include e-coaching. Writing helps you:

  • Clarify your thoughts and feelings
  • Know yourself better (what makes you happy and confident, what situations and people are toxic, etc.)
  • Reduce stress (writing about uncomfortable emotions is the beginning of being able to release them)
  • Solve problems from a more intuitive, creative place (writing unlocks creativity and intuition and unleashes unexpected solutions)

Want to know more? Book a free mini-session with me. I’ll help you solve a very specific problem and tell you more about my programs. Who knows, you might become a woman who chooses to have more time!

Messages from our mothers: modesty or humility?

I am betting that when you were growing up (and maybe even once you were an adult) you got conflicting messages about ambition and modesty.

Messages like:

Be yourself (but not too much)!

You can be anything you want to be (as long as it doesn’t embarrass the family)!

Try hard (but don’t show off)!

Deep down inside is that desire to create and share ourselves with the world in a way that feels natural and right to us (which sometimes means exuberantly) and yet we’ve been told, both directly and by example, that women have to walk a fine line between being powerful creators in our own right and not being “too much” while doing so.

And so we find ourselves contorting and molding ourselves based on those conflicting messages (because we want the approval of our families…so we can continue to belong to them). 

We also marvel at (and are sometimes jealous or downright critical of) women who seemingly didn’t get the same message, or who did and chose to ignore it…women who are living their lives, not in reaction to others, and not perfectly, but on their own terms.

Here’s what I figured out: those women know the difference between modesty (having a limited overall opinion of themselves and their abilities, or pretending to be less than they are) and humility (an acknowledgement of their limitations).

(I am usually all about the both/and but this time I’m supporting an either/or.)

I choose humility over modesty.

I am aware of my gifts, talents, and abilities and I like to acknowledge and share them. I am also aware of the areas where I have flaws and weaknesses and have no problem admitting them to myself and others.

Being humble is being authentic to self. Being modest is being inauthentic to others.

C.S Lewis said, “Perfect humility dispenses with modesty.”

So aim for perfect humility.

Maya Angelou said true arrogance lay in denying one’s own specialness—and denying the specialness of others. “Modesty is a learned adaptation. It’s stuck on like decals. As soon as life slams a modest person against the wall, that modesty will fall off faster than a G-string will fall off a stripper.”

modestyhumilityWhat do you think? Did you get conflicting messages from your mother (either directly or by what she modeled)? Have you chosen to take those messages on as your own truth? Tell me about your gifts, talents, and abilities. What are your flaws and weaknesses? Can you proudly own both?

(Check out this blog post by my friend Meegan Dowe, which was inspired by a conversation we had on Facebook about this very subject.)

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In the name of humility, I’m excited to share the link to a podcast I did with the fabulous Brooke Castillo, my mentor, master coach instructor, and founder of The Life Coach School.

Strengths: I was honest, real, knowledgable, and fun.

Weaknesses: I wasn’t prepared to talk about the definition of narcissism (and I should have known better!). I was also a little nervous and thus a little intense.

It’s all good.

Check it out…we’re talking about some of our favorite subjects:

  • What it means to be a child of a narcissistic mother.
  • The work I do with my clients on the topic of boundaries.
  • The issues that arise with staying in an enmeshed, conformed relationship with your mother.
  • Why ending a relationship with a person in your life might not solve your issues related to them.

 

What’s NOT okay

Check out last week’s post for context.

This week it’s about what’s NOT okay (for me personally, although some of it may be true for you, too):

It’s not okay for me to:

  • believe it’s my responsibility to fix my relationship with my mother (which isn’t to say that I’ve slammed the door shut on our relationship).
  • live my life for my mother. 
  • stop expressing myself because she has told me she doesn’t like it when I do.
  • place any “shoulds” on my mother.
  • expect my mother to change.
  • blame myself (or her) for what has happened in the past (although it is okay to acknowledge it).
  • hide my light because I’m afraid she might feel threatened by it.
  • choose to feel “less than” because of what my mother has said or done.
  • beat myself up, emotionally or otherwise.
  • binge eat, binge drink, binge shop, or binge-anything-else because of the pain I feel when I chose to beat myself up.
  • be boundary-less.
  • continue to think I am a victim and she is a villain.
  • think of her as a victim and myself as a villain.
  • think that either one of us need to be rescued.
  • think that I am not okay.

Love, Karen

What’s not okay for you?

That’s not a rhetorical question, I really want to know, so hit “reply” and share what’s in your heart.

P.S. Tell me about it? Bring me your most pressing “mother” issue and I’ll coach you through it in a free mini-session and share information about what it’s like to work with me.

P.S.S. It’s fun. It’s not like therapy where you dredge up old crap and cry your eyes out. You’ve been there and done that, and are ready to have fun while moving forward rather than feeling like crap while looking back.offthehook

 

It’s not your fault…

One of the most insidious things adult daughters do is beat themselves up for not having a “great” relationship with their mothers (even if they are no longer alive). I put the word “great” in quotation marks because what “great” means to you, me, or the next woman might be different, but for the sake of this conversation, let’s say it looks like this: 

Mom and daughter are close, warm, and supportive of each other. Daughter is able to lean on Mom. Mom loves daughter unconditionally. Daughter lovingly helps Mom out when she needs it. They have separate lives, but make it a point to get away together for “girl time,” to bond and strengthen their relationship. Daughter adores Mom and tells her friends how lucky she is to have her. Mom is proud of daughter and praises her to all her friends. They genuinely respect each other. 

And if it doesn’t look like that (or whatever your version of “great” is), then it’s your fault, and as a result, you have a constant, low-level feeling of guilt because you haven’t been able to fix it by now.

rainbowI am here to witness you, represent you, and tell you:

That’s not the truth. 

There is nothing wrong with you. 

It’s not your fault.

You are not to blame.

You’re not the only one and you do not have to suffer alone, in silence.

All mothers are not loving and buying into the idea that they are (so it must be your fault) only isolates you.

You don’t have to live the rest of your life feeling guilty.

There is no such thing as a perfect mother-daughter relationship.

No matter what Hallmark says.

No matter what you see on Facebook.

No matter what “they” say you “should” think/feel/do.

Mothers do not automatically and instinctually love their daughters unconditionally (no matter how our culture portrays them) and it’s not taboo to acknowledge that.

Please do not shame or guilt yourself. 

It’s not on you.

I am taking this stand for you.

Love,

Karen

P.S. Tell me about it? Bring me your most pressing “mother” issue and I’ll coach you through it in a free mini-session and share information about what it’s like to work with me.

P.S.S. It’s fun. It’s not like therapy where you dredge up old crap and cry your eyes out. You’ve been there and done and are ready to have fun while moving forward rather than feeling like crap while looking back.

She made a declaration, and the universe tested her

There once was a woman who declared she was no longer courting pity.

Little did she know she’d get tested so soon.

She recently reached out to the one person with whom she most wants to be healed.

That person responded: “I don’t see much point in getting together. Our relationship has deteriorated so much over the last few years that it is pretty uncomfortable being with you. Hope you feel the same.”

The woman cried. Hard, heaving, can’t-catch-her-breath sobs. The little girl in her felt rejected. She immediately wanted to call/email/post to anyone who would listen and say…

“See??! Look what’s she’s done to me now!!” 

The adult in her felt relieved. And then guilty, because #1 she was relieved and because #2 it provided the opportunity for a massive pity-party.

Within the space of about an hour (rather than days, weeks, months…years) she went from pity-me-mode (helpless little girl who can’t take care of herself), into fuck-you-mode (channeling her inner rebellious teenager), and into pretend-evolved-adult-mode (“I am so above this”)…and right back to pity again.

She caught herself in the middle of her own damned pattern and actually laughed out loud. Thanks to this interaction, she got to see just how good her mind had gotten at going for the pity. She could practically feel the neurons firing down the well-worth pathways in her brain.

And so she asked herself, “Who do I want to be in this moment?”

Her answer: I want to be a non-reactive, non-defensive, non-pity-seeking grown-ass woman who chooses love without indulging in drama.

She wanted to be free.

So she replied, “Okay, let me know if you change your mind.”

She is free. She chose love.

Who do you want to be?

Want some help figuring it out? Click here to schedule a free 30-minute mini-session. I will coach you and share some information about how I work (no strings attached).

~~~~~

No one can trigger me. Only I can do that. ~ Byron Katie

8 ways I invest in myself

“When a woman is willing to invest in herself, life begins to invest in her.” ~ Tanya Leigh

Back in March I met Tonya Leigh, a lifestyle blogger and life coach. A few weeks ago she wrote a blog post entitled 8 Investments That Changed Me As A Woman and ever since I read it, I’ve wanted to write a similar post.

As I thought about my list, some of the things that came up weren’t actually services or products to purchase, but rather involved my time, which, to me, is right up there with money. And yeah, some of my investments involve both. So, without further ado, here are eight ways (in no particular order) I invest in myself that have made the biggest, most positive, difference in my life. 

#1 Quality sleep (and bedding)

Sleep cures, heals, and maintains health. I generally invest eight to nine hours per night. I sleep on a high-quality mattress and pillow that supports, cushions, and cradles my body. I purchase high-quality cotton or silk sheets, blankets, and bedspreads. I’ve had them for years. As a result, I am healthier, more energetic, and have a routine that suits me (compared to the time in my life when I didn’t invest in sleep). 

#2 Quality undergarments (especially bras) 

Many years ago when I was freelancing, I wrote an article about the benefits of getting a proper bra fitting. I interviewed the owner of a high-end lingerie boutique that stocks bras from all over the world in sizes from 28AA to 54JJ. Once I knew my proper size (and it wasn’t even close to the size I thought I was) and purchased one (relatively) expensive bra, I was hooked. Well made, properly fitting bras and panties are not only more comfortable, they last longer and I like the way I feel when I am wearing them. And when I feel good, I do good.

#3 Personal development (books, courses, workshops, various types of therapy, coaching)

I was 42 when I “woke up” and started consciously working on my shit. (As I wrote that, I realized that I’ve been at it for 10 YEARS!). As a result, here’s what I’ve accomplished. I:

  • realized that I didn’t just hate my body, I hated myself.
  • considered what it might be like to love myself.
  • practiced that.
  • lost weight.
  • learned to love my body.
  • gained weight.
  • started a blog.
  • REALLY learned to love my body.
  • started helping others.
  • lost weight.
  • consciously chose to create healthy relationships.
  • wrote a book.
  • started to understand the true nature of self-esteem and confidence and where it comes from.
  • practiced that.
  • went back to school.
  • healed some more deep-ass shit.
  • continued to help others.
  • started a business.
  • am writing my second book. 
  • am continually learning lessons.

#4 Personal training, massage, chiropractic adjustments, and physical therapy

Over the years, on and off, I have invested time and money in professionals who are all about the physical body. At first it was about wanting to look a certain way, but over the years it has transformed into helping me truly care for and appreciate my body and what it is capable of. All four modalities work together in a synergistic way.

#5 Slow cooking (and I don’t mean a crock pot) and eating

The vast majority of the time I make breakfast, lunch, and dinner mostly from whole, fresh, unprepared foods. Sometimes we go out and sometimes I bring something prepared in, but mostly I take the time to plan and make meals. Like #4, this helps me truly care for and appreciate my body. It also makes me appreciate my food, where it comes from, and the effort and energy it took to get to me. Eating more slowly is still a work in progress, but it’s worth the investment.

#6 Reading for pleasure

I spend about an hour a day reading for pleasure (novels). I’ve been reading since I learned how. It’s worth my time because it soothes and transports me. Years ago, when I commuted to New York City, I spent my commute time (nearly four hours a day) reading (this was before cell phones and laptops). 

#7 Blogging

I’ve been a professional writer since 1984 (the year I graduated from college). But it wasn’t until 2009, when I started my blog, that I became what I consider to be a “real” writer. Because up until that point, I had never consistently written creatively or for myself. So what happened in 2009? The quick version is that, by the time New Year’s Day rolled around, I had regained 23 of the 55 pounds I had lost in 2005-06, after spending most of my adult life seemingly unable to lose weight. 

I was full of panic, shame, frustration, and anger, so I started blogging, investing many hours a week on it.

I am not exaggerating when I say that blogging saved my life. 

It also creates awareness, makes me think, helps me find my voice, helps me to be heard, is a big part of my overall health plan, gives me clarity, helps me continually discover my true calling, keeps me grounded, keeps me honest, creates relationships and connection, nurtures friendships, changes my life…

#8 My Marriage

What can I say? Besides myself, my husband is the most important person in the world to me. Investing my time in him and our relationship is a no-brainer. Our marriage is one of the strongest marriages I know and having come from a family where everyone has been married and divorced at least once (including myself), that’s saying something! I wrote a series of blog posts several years ago that tells our story

What investments have you made in yourself and how have they changed you for the better? 

~~~~~

P.S. I am offering free 30-minute mini-sessions for women who’d like to start redefining their relationship with their mothers. I will coach you and share information about my program and how I work (no strings attached).

 

Why holding yourself back sucks…

…for you and for everyone else.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a fantasy. I am on a dark stage, standing in the spotlight.

I am wearing a fabulous dress. 

I then belt out a song with every fiber of my being. Everyone in the audience is swept away by the depth, beauty, and passion. They are moved to tears.

Over the years, the song I sing and what I am wearing have changed, but the basic fantasy remains the same.

~~~~~~~~~~

Earlier this week I stumbled across the 2014 Kennedy Center Honors video of Lady Gaga singing “If I Ever Lose My Faith In You” in honor of Sting. I was mesmerized. 

I felt the same way when Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart performed “Stairway To Heaven” to honor Led Zeppelin in 2012, so I went back and watched that video again, and several other Kennedy Center Honors performances.

I was swept away by the depth, beauty, and passion. I was moved to tears*.

It finally dawned on me why these performances are so moving, and how they relate to my fantasy: these are people who are giving everything they have for the performance – out of love, respect, and honor – because it’s who they are. 

They leave it all on the stage. They hold nothing back. And that impresses the hell out of me. Especially because I know that, as bold as they sometimes appear, many performers have stage fright and yet they go out and do it anyway.

Although I am not a singer, my fantasy, for a while, was a reality.

In 2009 I started a blog because – although I didn’t know it at the time – I needed a place to express myself via writing. 

I did it openly and honestly. Each and every time I wrote, I left everything I had on the “page.” 

Many of you responded by sharing your own stories. You interacted with me, told me I was inspirational, and that I made you think.

It was a true give-and-receive situation.

A few years ago I started to hold myself back. Sure, I could blame someone, but that’s not who I am any more. I did it to me.

Sure, I was still writing, and I wrote some damned good stuff. But not as consistently as I had before, and certainly not as openly and honestly – or fully. 

I paid for it in myriad ways.

That’s what happens when you hold yourself back. 

Not only does it suck for you, it sucks for everyone who might find themselves mesmerized and inspired by you if you were to leave it all on the stage (or page, or whatever your medium is).

As I said last week, I am no longer courting pity; I am on a mission to impress myself, no matter what anyone else thinks, says, or does.

~~~~~~~~~~

What do you fantasize about doing that you’re not doing? What is your talent? Do you want to impress the hell of yourself and leave it all on the stage (whatever your stage is)?

These aren’t rhetorical questions so please hit reply and share what’s on your mind and in your heart.

P.S. I don’t want to leave you hanging.

Watch Lady Gaga sing “If I Ever Lose My Faith In You” to Sting (and check out the way Sting takes a deep breath when Gaga starts singing!)

Watch Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart sing “Stairway To Heaven” to Led Zeppelin 

Pity Or Envy?

Would you rather be pitied or envied?

It sounds like an easy question to answer, right? But how often do you choose pity and resist envy?

I admit it. I spent the past few weeks having quite the pity party. It started around Mother’s Day and didn’t abate until late last week.

pity

My pity party face

It was not fun.

Then I came across this question – would you rather be pitied or envied? – and it unleashed a series of ah-ha moments that are still tumbling around in my brain.

Here’s some of what I wrote in my journal: 

How nuts is it that I like it when people feel sorry for me…when they pity me? I actually like pity??? And? I also hate it. It disgusts me. Sometimes I do/say things in order to elicit pity, then when I get it, I resist it and try to prove to the person giving it to me that I don’t need it, because I don’t like seeing that in myself. 

I have a long history of wanting to be pitied and it showed up in the stories I told about my life. 

It’s easy now for me to see all the times I chose pity and to see how it served me to do so. When I was pitied, I got attention, I got taken care of, and I got (some of) my needs met. 

Choosing pity also comes at a great price. 

When I choose pity, I give up the opportunity for autonomy, growth, contribution, and true integrity. Not to mention fun…

On the other hand, envy brings up a whole ‘nother can of worms. I don’t know about you, but I used to make being envied mean that I must have been showing off, and showing off was bad. But here’s the thing: modesty* isn’t necessarily a virtue.

In order to receive positive attention, many of us learned very quickly that being modest (i.e., playing small) would be rewarded and so we chose not to do anything that might cause envy in others. 

Perhaps this is why practicing gratitude has gotten so popular. I’m not saying it’s bad to be grateful, but it’s “softer.” It’s not as…brash…as, say, choosing to be envied.

That said, I can definitely get behind being admired. 

I am making a conscious effort to choose admiration over pity. 

How does that even work? It starts with impressing myself…with taking actions that I deem to be impressive. These days those actions include writing every day (I’m writing another book, y’all!), kickboxing at least three times a week, speaking my truth non-defensively, and focusing on being of true service to others. 

What about you? Which do you choose, and why? This isn’t a rhetorical question, I really want to know!

*I love what the late Maya Angelou had to say about modesty (she believed that true arrogance lay in denying one’s own specialness—and denying the specialness of others):

“…I have no patience with modesty. Modesty is a learned adaptation. It’s stuck on like decals. As soon as life slams a modest person against the wall, that modesty will fall off faster than a G-string will fall off a stripper. Whenever I’m around some who is modest, I think, ‘run like hell and all of fire.’ You don’t want modesty, you want humility. Humility comes from inside out. It says someone was here before me and I’m here because I’ve been paid for. I have something to do and I will do that because I’m paying for someone else who has yet to come.” ~ “Why Maya Angelou Disliked Modesty”  

P.S. Save the date! I will be running my “new and improved” six-week group class for adult daughters who want to create resilience and empowerment in their relationships with their mothers this fall, starting October 6!

 

There’s no such thing as a “deeply entrenched” thought (and why this is such good news)

At the heart of what I do is showing women the connection between their thoughts, feelings, and actions (especially when it comes to thoughts they believe are deeply entrenched…thoughts from their childhoods…thoughts their mothers may have given them).

Thoughts like:

  • I’m not good enough.
  • Who do I think I am?
  • I can’t take care of myself.
  • I have to do it all.
  • I’m too big for my britches.
  • I don’t deserve to have what I want.

Which lead to feelings like:

  • Dread.
  • Desperation.
  • Lack of confidence.
  • Anger.
  • Bitterness.
  • Resentment.
  • (need I go on?)

Which lead to actions like:

  • Bingeing on gas station food (which I will write more about next week).
  • Lying.
  • Hiding.
  • Shopping too much.
  • Drinking too much.
  • (need I go on?)

What usually happens is, once they get it, they want to start changing their negative thoughts as fast as they can.

Why? Because negative thoughts tend not to feel good, and when they don’t feel good, they don’t do good.

They say, “Those thoughts are what’s holding me back and keeping me stuck. They’re what’s keeping me from having what I want!”

I recently made an interesting connection between the desire to stop thinking negative thoughts and the ability to stop thinking negative thoughts.

Here’s how it works: you notice yourself feeling like crap and you realize there must be a negative thought rolling around in your brain. If you’re anything like me, you see the pattern.

Then you go into “change that thought” mode.

But here’s the thing, “changing your thoughts” is really just another form of resistance, judgment, and avoidance.

Because underneath those negative thoughts are other thoughts like, “I shouldn’t think that” or“It’s so deeply seated I’ll never be able to change it” or “UGH I hate that I have these negative thoughts…I am SO screwed!”

We judge those thoughts and, thus ourselves, as “bad.”

And because we’re resisting them, they persist.

The only truth about a consistent, pernicious* thought is that our brain (which is basically a machine) has gotten really good at thinking it. 

That’s it. Our brains love to be efficient they don’t care if those thoughts hurt us. That doesn’t make us bad, it’s actually quite a feat when you think about it!

So, let me say it again: the ONLY reason you continue to think a negative thought is because your brain has gotten good at it.

And that’s so good to know, right? It means that your brain can get good at thinking other, more helpful thoughts, just as easily (thus dispelling the notion that some thoughts are more deeply entrenched than others, which tends to send the message that they’re going to be harder to get rid of).

(pssst…stop trying to get rid of thoughts!)

Rather than resisting, trying to change, judging, or pushing away the thoughts that don’t feel good, just notice and then ask yourself, “what do I want to believe about instead?” 

The Thinker (August Rodin)

The Thinker (August Rodin)

“When we TRULY understand that we are punching ourselves in the face, and that it hurts, we don’t have to ask what to make our hands do instead, we just stop. And we don’t have to remind ourselves not to do it…or to distract ourselves from doing it.” ~ Brooke Castillo

So here’s a question for you on this fine Thursday morning: what pernicious thought do you have that you believe is “deeply entrenched” or “embedded”? This isn’t a rhetorical question, I really want to know so hit reply and tell me what’s in your heart!

*P.S. I LOVE the word “pernicious.” It means “having a harmful effect, especially in a gradual or subtle way.”