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People See Us As They Are

“People don’t see you as you are, they see you as they are.”

A blogger I’ve been following for a long time now, Michelle from Rubber Shoes In Hell, recently wrote a post about reading the comments on an article she wrote for Huffington Post. She said that many of the comments were supportive and yet there were were also many that were “breathtakingly mean.”

She also realized that, in some cases, the mean comments were spot on. Her post is an excellent example of the power of embracing our shadow selves.

Shadow Self Goddess Quilt created by  Leah Day

Shadow Self Goddess Quilt created by Leah Day

In response, I left a comment about the time I got a one-star review for my book on Amazon and I went from “crushed and embarrassed” to “she’s a bitch” to “she makes a good point” in the course of seconds. 

And recently, when an article I wrote got picked up on Yahoo’s home page, I got to have the same experience Michelle had.

The more I put myself out there, the more I am ready, willing, and able to have haters and to let them be right about me.

People see us as they are. And we see ourselves as we are.

I have nothing to protect. I have nothing to hide. I have nothing to defend. I have nothing to prove. I am free. ~ Lisa Nichols

What do you think? 

 

It’s Your Choice To Show Up As Yourself + Belong: A Message From My Dad

So there I was, this past Saturday evening, sitting in the lounge of the Villa Roma resort in Callicoon, NY, listening to Harry Pickens play the piano.

(Where the heck is Callicoon, NY, and why was I there? It’s very close to the site of the original Woodstock music festival and I was there speaking at and attending the third annual Spring Energy Event, an annual gathering for Energy Healing Practitioners created by Jondi Whitis, an Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner and trainer who helped lead the EFT For Trauma training in Newtown, CT).

At one point Harry said he was going to play a song and he asked us to close our eyes and focus on a problem, issue, or question and to see if – while he played – anything shifted or revealed itself.

I didn’t really have a specific issue or question, so I just closed my eyes and decided to let whatever happened, happen.

What happened is that I got the overwhelming sense that my father was with me.

There wasn’t any question in my mind and I was overcome with emotion. It wasn’t until this morning, when I was thinking about the weekend, that I fully received his message and was able to accurately describe the emotion I felt.

It wasn’t grief (although I do miss him), it was relief.

My Dad – with whom I was always able to be completely and totally myself – was reassuring me that it was, indeed, okay to show up (at the Spring Energy Event and in all areas of my life) as my silly, giddy, sometimes irreverent, strong, and capable self.

I am pretty sure that I haven’t shown up that way – at least not so fully and completely – since I was about 10.

I’m sure you can relate on some level, right?

I mean, as we go through life we notice when we’re getting rewarded for acting or behaving a certain way, or when we’re NOT being rewarded…or perhaps we’re actually being chastised or punished!

And then slowly but surely we start contorting ourselves to be however those around us want us to be. So we can “fit in” and “get along” because if we don’t, well that might not be safe.

We’re constantly told to “just be yourself” but so often we don’t know who the hell we are because we haven’t actually been ourselves in so long!

I have no doubt that the reason my father came around that evening was to reinforce something that I already knew, but wasn’t acknowledging: that I had been showing up fully as myself at the Event. He wanted to make sure I knew it. He doesn’t show up very often, but when he does, the message is always very clear to me.

I was blown away by how much fun I was choosing to have, by how easily and naturally I was able to give (and receive), by how I wasn’t worried about what others thought of me, by how intently I listened, by how I was choosing to speak up clearly and honestly, by how I smiled and laughed and woooo-hoooo’ed when the spirit moved me, and by how I was choosing to belong even though I’d had fleeting moments – prior to showing up – when I thought, there’s no way I belong with these people.

Again, and again, and again, I am reminded that belonging is a choice I get to make.

sillydad

My Dad, showing up as his silly self…

Thanks Dad!

I’d love to know…how do you get in touch with the pure YOU part of yourself? Do you make the choice to belong?

 

When Body Image + Disordered Eating Issues Go Hand-In-Hand With “Mother Issues” And What To Do About It (Part 2)

Read Part 1 here.

I don’t know about you, but I spent 40+ years believing that my body was a mistake and since mistakes imply fault, I also spent a lot of time in blame mode.

When I could no longer outwardly blame my mother (because that’s not what evolved adult women do!), I outwardly blamed myself. Inwardly, however, I was still blaming her (and myself).

And then one day I asked myself…self? What if you took blame out the equation?

Talk about an empowering question!

And the reason it was so empowering is because I realized that I didn’t really want to stop blaming. It was easier to blame.

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Acknowledging that truth to myself and fully owning that I wanted to blame her showed me that I had a choice in the matter.

When we fully own that blame, anger, shame, grief…any of the so-called negative emotions are actually choices, we become powerful.

I digress…

My point is that choosing to take blame out of the equation was the first step in learning how to love and nurture myself around the issues of body image, food, and weight.

Without further ado, here are some ideas and journaling prompts for your consideration.

Examine (as best you can) your mother’s beliefs about her own body and her relationship to food. 

How did she talk to herself about her body? How did she talk about her body to you and others? Did she have a healthy relationship to food? Write down everything you remember.

Which of her beliefs and behaviors have you taken on as your own? Do they serve you or not? What do you want to believe?

Examine your own beliefs about body image, weight, and food.

What are the messages you received from your mother (and others) about your own body? What did you make those messages mean about you?

Do you agree with what your mother said about your body? Do you want to agree with her? 

What would you like to keep? What would you like to release?

Take a look at the gap between what you received and what you needed or wanted.

Is there a gap between what you received from your mother and what you needed or wanted to receive from her?

How can you fill the gap between what you received and what you need now?

Take blame out of the equation. 

Rather than blaming your mother or yourself for all the things that you think are “wrong” with you (or your body), choose to take a compassionately objective look at yourself. Rather than assigning meaning to the number on the scale or the words “good” or “bad” to the food you eat, aim for neutral.

Value yourself enough to demonstrate that your needs and wants matter. Take yourself seriously. 

Write down all the ways, big or small, you can care for yourself in a way that feels good to you. Demonstrate with your choices that you matter to yourself.

Honor your feelings. 

Whatever feelings that come up as a result of answering these questions are valid and worth your time to feel. Show compassion to yourself by allowing yourself to feel what you feel without judgment or shame.

 

When Needs + Archetypes Collide: On Contribution, Belonging + Autonomy

A week or so ago there was an interesting conversation on Facebook about what “life purpose” is. One person said that talents + helping others = your purpose.

Someone else said that this definition “pissed her off,” that buying into this idea had disempowered her, and that the concept of “helping others” is limiting.

She wrote, “Want to know what your purpose really is? It’s to be YOU. That’s it. Be YOU and you’ve served your purpose in life.”

And yet another person responded that the “talents + helping others = your purpose ” perspective comes from the helper/nurturer/caretaker archetype

I had a little ah-ha upon reading that:

Many women identify with this archetype (whether it truly suits them or not) because it’s what they think they SHOULD be…because it’s what’s valued and rewarded in women.

It’s no secret that I am NOT primarily a helper/nurturer/caretaker and yet I have spent a lot of my precious time feeling guilty because I don’t volunteer my time and talents in the traditional ways that many (most?) women do.

I don’t like sitting on boards of directors. I don’t serve on committees. I don’t volunteer at events. I don’t coordinate events.

I don’t have children.

I’ve been known to say that I am not a team player and I don’t care if there’s no “I” in team.

I recently attended a charitable event and felt a bit envious of the camaraderie (aka “belonging,” a universal human need) of the women who were involved.

The Voice inside my head said, “Well, if you got involved with this group, or some other group, maybe you’d feel like you belonged.”

Silently I responded: “I understand that contributing (helping) is another universal human need and because I am human, I need to contribute. But the way I contribute looks different than being involved with a group.”

What I know about myself is that my need for autonomy (yet another universal human need – the freedom to be and express who we are) is stronger in me than the need for belonging.

But the fact is, I need all three and I’ve wondered sometimes why it feels like they contradict each other.

Now I get it. I identify more strongly with the artist/creative and visionary archetypes and so I meet my need for contribution by writing and big-picture thinking.

I am working on not feeling the need to explain or defend the fact that I contribute, just not in a way that is obvious or traditional (although I supposed this blog post is exactly that!)

I’ve had people (family members even) berate me (subtly and not-so-subtly) or not “get it” for contributing like I do or for not doing what they think I should do.

And that’s where my need for belonging bumps up against my need for autonomy. But I am learning that I do, indeed, belong and that it’s up to me to make sure I act like it. 

What I understand now is that when I am fully comfortable and secure with who I am and the decisions I make for myself, the less likely it is that others will question me or ask me to explain myself.

And if they do, rather than being hurt, angry, or offended, I remember this quote from Lisa Nichols:

“I have nothing to protect. I have nothing to hide. I have nothing to defend. I have nothing to prove. I am free.”

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P.S. My friend Christie Inge is a “needs” guru and everything I said in the post about needs I learned from her.

What are your thoughts about this? How do you meet your needs for contribution, belonging, and autonomy? Do you know your archetype(s)?

When Body Image + Disordered Eating Issues Go Hand-In-Hand With “Mother Issues” And What To Do About It (Part 1)

A while back I asked women in several online forums about the specific things their mother criticized, and by far the most common had to do with their physical appearance: weight, size, looks, and shape (not to mention food choices).

This subject is near and dear to my heart.

When I first started blogging in 2009, it was with the intention of seeing if I could give myself the love and acceptance I needed around this very issue.

I remember the first time I felt that there was something wrong with my body. I was seven or eight years old and had been to the pediatrician with my mother.

When we got home, she said to my stepfather, “The doctor said she’s chunky.”

I don’t remember the pediatrician saying it, but when my mother said it, I heard amusement, fear, and disgust all at the same time.

I made it mean that there was something wrong with me.

At twelve, I began dieting. Photos of myself from that time don’t indicate that I was overweight. Yet, when I read the diary I kept during my high school years, it’s filled with pages where I write about feeling like a pig and hating myself because I ate too much.

And then there were the times my BFF and I went to Overeaters Anonymous meetings (we laugh about it to this day).

Like many middle-aged women, I look back at my high school self and wonder, “What they hell was I thinking?? I looked fantastic!”

It wasn’t until I went to college (in early 80s), that I gained a significant amount of weight.

In response my mother said (more than once), “You must be so unhappy.” (And I made that mean all sorts of things!)

I lost the weight by taking illegal drugs my senior year.

Of course, I regained it (and more) and the topic of my weight was always center stage in my mind.

In the 90s when low-carb diets were all the rage (and I, of course, was on a low-carb diet…which I followed up by taking fen-phen), my mother said it was “such a relief” for her to realize that maybe I was just addicted to carbs – that it wasn’t “her fault.”

I’d heard the “it’s not my fault” line before. When I was a child, my grandmother would make negative comments to my mother about my weight and she would say, “It’s not my fault!”

I spent 40+ years believing that my body was a mistake and since mistakes always imply fault, well then someone had to be blamed!

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????When I could no longer outwardly blame her (because that’s not what evolved adults do!), I outwardly blamed myself. But to be honest, inside I was still blaming her (and myself).

And then one day I asked myself…self? What if you took blame out the equation?

Talk about an empowering question!

It led me to more fully understand that women who didn’t receive unconditional love and nurturing themselves might end up competing with their daughters, despite believing that they are doing it differently than their own mothers did.

I also understand that – in many ways – it’s just the way it was. The cultural and societal beliefs at the time were not as evolved as they are today in regards to health, food, weight, and body image (although I know there are a whole slew of new problematic beliefs).

If your mother critiques and judges your body, size, weight, and food choices, she’s doing it out of fear, not love (even if she says she doing it because she loves you).

On the one hand, she wants you to have what she didn’t have, and yet there’s a part (most likely an unconscious part) that doesn’t want you to have it because she herself was shortchanged.

She’s still waiting for her own experience of being loved and nurtured, unconditionally.

I don’t tell my clients what they should or shouldn’t do, so I am not going to tell you to forgive your mother for criticizing your body or food choices (unless you want to).

But I will say that if you choose to forgive her, do it with the understanding that it’s not your responsibility to give to her what her mother didn’t or couldn’t.

Just as you must learn how to give yourself what you didn’t receive, she must do the same.

This post is long enough already…next week I’ll share some of my best tips on how to give yourself the love and nurturing you need around body/food issues.

The Difference Between Looking Back + Looking Forward

“When looking back doesn’t interest you any more you’re doing something right.” ~ Unknown

I saw this quote about a week ago and wrote it down.

Every time I remembered it or looked at it, I had a strange mix of emotions: fascination, pride, and embarrassment.

Fascination and pride because I realized that I (mostly) no longer look back.

And embarrassment because I am a looker-backer from way back.

It took me so damned long to finally get it!

I spent much of my adult life looking back, trying to figure out why I am the way I am…thinking that some clues from my past would unlock the secret to why:

…I couldn’t lose weight…

…I wasn’t happy…

…I didn’t have dreams or goals…

…I was afraid to have dreams or goals…

[Hint: there is no secret, Karen]

The truth is, I was looking to blame someone or something or myself for all my so-called problems.

[Hint: taking blame out of the equation entirely is helpful]

At some point, however, I went from being someone who was mostly looking back trying to figure out why I am the way I am, to being someone who is mostly looking forward…and actually MOVING forward.

Doing. Creating.

I am much more excited about the present and future than I am interested in the past.

Now, that’s not to say that looking back is all bad…because like many of the ways in which I have evolved, I had to start somewhere.

Like being a fad dieter before I became an intuitive eater.

Like thinking that exercise was an all-or-nothing proposition before understanding that it isn’t.

Like believing that being happy would somehow happen to me when [fill in the blank] happened.

The past bores me.

What it comes down to, at least for me, is now knowing (in my cells) that when I was born – and when I was 10, 20, 30, 40, and 50 – my future, my passion, my purpose, my happiness, my goals, were always mine to create. 

“Your family of origin does not know how to get you to your North Star. They didn’t when you were little, they don’t now, and they never will. It isn’t their job.” ~ Martha Beck

I just didn’t know it was my job. 

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” ~ Maya Angelou

Now I do. I DO!

Looking forward = doing.

What To Do When Your Mother Rejects You

(or maybe that should read, What I Try To Do When I Feel Rejected) 

I’ve just returned home from a two-week vacation on the West Coast – it was wonderful to get away from the coldest and snowiest February on record here on the southeastern shore of Connecticut!

My husband and I flew into LA, spent four nights in Santa Barbara (where I attended a Mastermind retreat with my fellow Life Coach School friends and colleagues), then spent several days driving up the coast to Washington, where we got to meet our brand new granddaughter (my stepdaughter, her husband, and our nearly four-year-old grandson moved from Connecticut to Washington in January of 2014). 

While I was away, something pretty amazing happened: an article I wrote about unconditional love got syndicated on Yahoo.com!

As a result, I received many lovely emails, one of which I’d like to share here and address (with the writer’s permission), because it touches on a tender and relatable subject: what to do when your mother rejects you.

“I read your article on how you chose to love your mother unconditionally.

I am 28 years old and for 24 years of my life my mother was the best mother you could imagine. She cooked everyday and gave my brother and me everything: the best birthdays, vacations…everything! 

And then she left. She walked out on my dad and I haven’t spoken to her in three years. When she left she said it had nothing to do with me…she was just not happy with my father anymore.

I respect that. For any woman to stand up for herself and make her life happier is brave. My father never mistreated her, never hit her, in fact my parents never even cussed. He just became set in his ways and content in his life. She wanted to be more active and do things.

I believe she hasn’t spoken to me because I’m such a Daddy’s Girl…my father is my world and he is equally an amazing parent as she was.

The world turns with or without her, so I live happily each day. But I wonder every day why she doesn’t want to talk to me. I get advice to be the bigger person, to stand up and contact her. Maybe that is what I should do, but I won’t beg anyone to love me. Like I said I respect her and her decision but I just can’t understand why she would punish me and our relationship.

So my question to you is, how do you put away all the questions and love her unconditionally and let her go?”

First let me say that I admire and honor your willingness to share your story.

Second, let me share that I, too, was a Daddy’s Girl (my parents were divorced when I was three) and based on what my mother has shared with me over the years, I gather that she sometimes felt hurt and/or jealous of my relationship with him. She was the one on the “front lines” so to speak (because I lived with her), and he got to have all the fun (every sixth weekend when I was a kid). 

All of that being said, something I say to my clients (and to myself) is this: not only can’t we control other people; we can’t ever truly know what they are thinking or feeling (even when they express it), or why they do what they do.

And that includes our parents, our partners, our children (if we have them), our friends, and so on.

Being human, it’s our tendency to want to analyze others’ behavior, to ponder “why,” and to make it all mean something.

So when a mother chooses not to have contact with her adult daughter – whatever the reason – it’s doesn’t take much effort for the daughter to make it mean something painful: that she’s been rejected.

You might be thinking that there’s only one way to interpret your mother’s actions: she’s rejecting or punishing you. Maybe she is and maybe she isn’t.

You might be thinking, “Mothers aren’t supposed to reject their daughters” or perhaps “What kind of mother doesn’t talk to her daughter for three years?”

These kinds of thoughts and questions usually create uncertainty and hurt.

So the key is to ask yourself how you WANT to feel right now (and I take it that you don’t want to feel uncertain and hurt). The good news is that however you answer that question, you already know how to feel the way you want to feel. What thoughts and questions will support you in feeling that way?

In your note you said that you live happily each day (and that’s awesome), but that you wonder why she doesn’t want to talk to you. You also wonder how to “put away” your questions, love her unconditionally, and let her go.

Is that what you really want to do? Or do you want a relationship with her? If you do want a relationship with her, what do you want it to look like? Do you want to wait and see if she comes around, or do you want to reach out to her? 

As for loving her unconditionally: all that means is that when you think of her, you get to feel love inside of you.

You say that you don’t want to beg her to love you, and I don’t blame you because you have no idea how she’ll respond. It’s a vulnerable place to be.

There are no right or wrong answers here. There are no shoulds or shouldn’ts.

The beauty of doing this work is that the result is empowerment to create; to create the life and relationships you want by creating the thoughts and feelings that support them. It also teaches you that you can feel any emotion – even the uncomfortable ones – and be okay.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Much love to you…and to your mother.

P.S. I’ve got an awesome $25 mini-class on how to create Empowered Boundaries coming up on March 30. Registration closes on March 29th. There are no calls to attend and all the materials will be available to you, forever! I will be on-hand for one week to provide coaching and support. Join us!

How I Set A Silent Boundary Without Even Realizing It

I’ll never forget the first time I created a truly effective boundary with someone. What’s funny is that I didn’t even realize I was doing it.

The short(ish) version of the story is that I used to gossip with this person about others (others with whom this person no longer had relationships, but I did). After a while it started to feel icky…it was out of alignment with who I wanted to be.

But I was afraid to say so because I didn’t want this person to be mad at me.

I knew (based on previous experience) that if I just simply came out and said, “I don’t want to talk about so-and-so,” this person would cajole, lash out, manipulate, or outright intimidate me into doing it anyway.

Or they might say something like, “Oh, well excuse me Little Miss Perfect…”

And then it came to me. The next time they asked about so-and-so all I had to do is say, “Oh, he/she is fine.” And then shut up.

And if they pressed, I could say, “I don’t know…I haven’t talked with him/her lately.” And then shut up.

And it worked!!

No, they didn’t stop asking, but I stopped engaging in behavior that didn’t feel good to me.

I established a silent boundary that felt good to me and honored who I wanted to be. I felt empowered and sure of myself.

And that’s what creating good, healthy boundaries is all about.

Good boundaries are a sign of emotional adulthood. They promote self-responsibility and empowerment, which leads to closer relationships.

Weak (or no) boundaries are a sign of emotional childhood. They promote enmeshment, which distances us from others.

When a woman becomes a mother but hasn’t yet stepped into emotional adulthood it’s a pretty good bet that she won’t know how to set healthy boundaries.

And if she can’t or won’t set healthy boundaries then her children won’t learn either.

So if you’re struggling to set some boundaries and want to be a good boundary-setting role model for those around you, I have just the ticket!

I have created a truly empowering boundary-setting class that will help you set and maintain healthy boundaries with everyone in your life, benefitting them and creating an environment where relationships flourish!

You will learn:

  • Why it’s important to your happiness to set and maintain boundaries
  • How setting boundaries empowers you and your relationships
  • The two key components of a boundary
  • What a healthy boundary is (and isn’t)
  • The #1 mistake most people make when setting boundaries
  • Why setting boundaries is an inside job
  • My best boundary-setting tips (the ones I actually use…really)

You will receive coaching on:

  • Setting boundaries that work for you
  • Any fears that come up around setting boundaries
  • How to practice setting boundaries

What you get:

  • A downloadable recording of me speaking directly to you on how to make the lessons in this course work.
  • A written version of the lesson for easy reference whenever you want it.
  • Juicy writing prompts and journal exercises to help you go deeper and get clearer so you can take action!
  • A safe online place where you can interact with – and get support from – the other participants working through the same issues!
  • Get coached by me! Powerful online support to help you create, clarify, and maintain your new boundaries.

How it works: 

  • This is focused and targeted work. The class will run “live” for one week.
  • During that entire week I will be on hand* to provide powerful coaching and to support you. 
  • And you will have access to the forum and all the materials forever! 

Investment: $25

Ready to create some boundaries? Class starts on March 30…registration ends March 29!

Book Now

*”On hand” means I am able to respond within an hour or two during normal business hours (Eastern time).

On The Dark Side

You must be willing to examine and explore your dark side. You must acknowledge how bad you can be and how horribly unloving you can behave. When you know how deep and dark your dark side is, it helps you stand a little taller in the light. ~ Iyanla Vanzant

I can tell you that doing shadow work has been both the most scary and the most liberating and life-affirming work I’ve ever done.

There have been times when I actually laughed out loud with glorious pride while claiming my hypocritical, bitchy, jealous, petty bits.

Precisely because I knew I could love and accept myself…ALL of myself.

And because I know that every human being on the planet has the capacity for every human emotion and behavior.

And I know that when I acknowledge and honor those parts that, in the past, would have shame-stormed me, I am able to acknowledge and honor the light-filled parts.

There is nothing more beautiful (to me) than owning each and every bit of ourselves. Even when it feels like we might choke on it.

 

“You Just Want Everything Handed To You On A Silver Platter” And Other Stories I Am Reframing

brazen

… When you stop trying to prove your worthiness, you can get on with the work of deliberately creating a life that is fulfilling to you. ~ Christie Inge

Hi…my name is Karen and I am a recovering prove-a-holic.

I have spent more time than I’d like to admit (with exceptions, of course) doing things like losing weight, working out, becoming a coach, starting a business (and I am sure many other things) with a sometimes unconscious belief that doing these things would somehow prove my worth and gain me the approval of everyone from my mother to my husband to my friends to my peers.

(Note that I didn’t include blogging/writing in that list.)

Even when I understood, consciously, that human worth does not need to be proven, I still went at it.

I spent a lot of time and money in pursuit of proof, or, in some cases trying to disprove.

I’m not saying the time and money was wasted because it led me to right now, acknowledging and AWARE that some of what I have produced and created in my life was done out of desperation and a belief that I should want certain things, like a specific kind of body, a particular type of business, a certain kind of success, and to be a certain kind of rock star like [fill in the blank].

Last week I wrote a piece on how to deal with critical, offensive, or hurtful comments (which often become ingrained beliefs…stories that we believe about ourselves).

Part of the advice I give is to reframe it. “So-and-so said [insert whatever they said here]. I don’t agree with so-and-so, nor do I think that [insert whatever they said here] is a bad thing. What I want to believe is [insert what you believe here].”

There are days (weeks even) when I need to follow my own freaking advice.

Here are some of the more pernicious stories (related to having to prove myself) that I’ve reframed recently (and will probably have to reframe again…and again):

#1 “You just want everything handed to you on a silver platter” (which goes along with “you’re lazy” and “you’re a spoiled brat”), and if these things are true, then I am a bad person, so I must prove that they are not true!

#2 “You never finish what you start” (which goes along with “you must not want it very badly”), and if this is true, then I am pathetic (and bad), so I must press on doing things I’ve started, things I’m not even sure I want, but, well, I’m supposed to want them, even if I am not enjoying them, or even if they’re not working out as planned, or even if they’re causing harm on some level, because I have to prove that I am not pathetic!

Can you relate?

What I want to (and now do) believe is…

Yes. Yes I do want everything handed to me on a silver platter. I am worthy of having things handed to me on a silver platter…and everything that has been handed to me so far? Not only do I want all of it, I’ve helped create it. 

And it’s truly life-altering (in a good way) when you want what you already have without guilt or shame. And when you allow yourself to receive without self-judgment, guilt, and shame, you are able to freely give without judgment.

Yes, it’s a form of gratitude, but it goes waaaaaaaay deeper.

Yep, it’s true. I don’t always finish what I start and there are many things I’ve set out to get, that, if I am honest, I really don’t want. And that’s a smart thing, especially when I start something out of a sense of desperation and needing to prove myself!

Because, as I have been known to say, anything done out of desperation is destined to backfire!

What might you create if you chose not to believe some dramatic, suffering story around having and desiring.

What would happen if you actually already had what you desire?

How would it feel to just quit something that you started, without guilt or believing that you’ve let someone down?

How would it feel to not have to prove a damned thing?

These aren’t just rhetorical questions…reply below and tell me what’s in your heart.