Shame, blame, and guilt never motivate. And in some cases they destroy. No child deserves to be exploited in this way.

If you agree, you’ll be interested in this effort spearheaded by Ragen Chastain of Dances with Fat.

To quote Ragen, “For the last 9 months, every single day, children in Atlanta have seen billboards, commercials, and signs at bus stops like [the ones pictured here].  If you are thinking ‘it’s not that big a deal,’ I want to tell you that, as a former bullied fat kid, I think it is a very big deal.  The messages couldn’t be clearer.  If you’re fat – you should be ashamed.  If you’re not fat – you should be terrified of becoming fat because fat people are diseased gluttons by choice and it’s ok to publicly shame them.”

Ragen has put together a campaign to raise money to sponsor billboards and print media campaigns that present the Health at Every Size® perspective, to “show kids of all sizes that they are valued and respected.”

The goal is to raise $10,000 TODAY and she’s already well on her way.  There’s a matching grant of $5000 available if they have 1,000 people sign on to the effort.  So if you can donate only $1, you’ll be helping in a big way to achieve that.

Click here to help the Support All Kids Billboard Project.

My previous post is password protected. If you’d like to read it, please email me at  karen{at}KCLAnderson{dot}com.

As you know, I will be giving away a week at Green Mountain At Fox Run in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, Annabel, who writes Feed Me I’m Cranky and who also recently spent a week at GMFR is also giving away a week.

And Mara, who writes Medicinal Marzipan, will be announcing a similar giveaway on February 6.

Both of these women have written about their GMFR experiences.

Chapter 1

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost … I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in … it’s a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

By Portia Nelson

I believe that the practice of understanding, accepting, and nurturing oneself leads to healthy and permanent weight loss. I really and truly believe this. I’ve lived it.

Others believe that losing weight is a battle. Yet others believe that concrete goals accompanied by rigid eating plans with inflexible exercise schedules are the only way. And that’s okay…that’s what makes the world go ’round.

One of the things that makes Green Mountain At Fox Run so special is that all of the above are welcomed and accommodated. While the entire staff embraces this ideal, there is one in particular to whom I want to introduce you. Her name is Darla Breckenridge. To call her a psychologist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is accurate but it doesn’t get at the heart of who she is. At GMFR she is part therapist, part den mother, part comedienne, part BFF, part teacher. Her best quality is Darla-ness.

She teaches classes like Changing Your Thinking, Nurturing The Whole Self, Beyond The Binge, Limits & Boundaries, and Messages From The Past…you know, classes where you reflect, dig deep, and have your assumptions about the way things are challenged (gently).

Here are some things I learned (either for the first time or again, but in different words) from Darla:

• The words you choose create your reality.
• You only need enough guilt to prevent you from torturing and killing other people.
• Dieting is a Band-Aid for a deep wound.
• Change occurs in the moment.
• Abusing food cuts our heads off from our bodies.
• Criticism (from others or from oneself) never motivates.
• It’s not the food that hurts you, it’s the self-loathing.
• If you keep saying, “I can’t eat ________” or “If I eat ________, I’ll never stop” or “I can’t have ________ in the house or I’ll eat it all” those things will be true.
• Once you label yourself, you look for experiences that will prove it.
• In order to protect ourselves from outside criticism, we start doing it to ourselves.

On why the making head-heart connection must be part of any weight loss/healthy eating/fitness endeavor:

“On a most basic level, what everyone wants is love, acknowledgement, and safety. But if you don’t receive it and/or can’t articulate it and give it meaning, you will feel empty and will constantly look outside yourself for it. For many of us, food is the easiest way. It doesn’t talk back, it’s readily available, and it literally fills us up. But it also disconnects our heads from our bodies.

The head-heart work (aka Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) shows us how to satisfy these basic needs for ourselves. It helps reconnect our heads to our bodies so we’re more likely to want to care for them. This is what self-acceptance is…it’s the opposite of complacency.”

Here’s my take, based on my experience: It’s not about what I should do, it’s about what feels good. But if I’m stuck in a cycle of self-loathing (the opposite of love, acknowledgement, and safety), what I should do will ignite my inner-rebel and what feels good will most likely be self-destructive and punishing, not nourishing and healthful.

One of my favorite things to say is that I know what it’s like to not have food be in control me and to not need to control food. To me, this is a state of nirvana and I experience it on a regular basis. That said, there are times when old behaviors creep in, when I’m feeling bingey, when I eat too much, when I eat even though I’m not hungry, when I think that a certain food is “bad” or that I “should” be eating some other “good” food. But mostly, I am able to catch myself, if not in the moment, at least pretty quickly. I’ve also gotten REALLY good at not beating myself up.

One of the Foundation classes here at Green Mountain At Fox Run is called “Becoming A Skillful Eater” and it’s taught by Robyn Priebe, GMFR’s resident nutrition expert (she’s a registered and certified dietician and has an advanced degree in dietetics). One thing that became evident immediately here at GMFR is that the staff is NOT about lumping everyone together and approaching health with a one-size-fits-all mentality. To that end, when defining “normal eating,” Robyn says, “Normal eating means different things to different people; in truth, what is normal is not always best. But when it comes to eating, an idea of what is normal and natural can help us to learn to eat to support health and fitness.”

She offers this definition of “normal eating” from Ellyn Satter:

Normal eating is being able to eat when you are hungry and continue eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it – not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to use some moderate constraint in your food selection to get the right food, but not being so restrictive that you miss out on pleasurable foods. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad, or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is three meals a day, most of the time, but it can also be choosing to munch along. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful when they are fresh. Normal eating is overeating at times; feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. It is also undereating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention but keeps its place as only one area of your life. In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your emotions, your schedule, your hunger, and your proximity to food.

Along with this Robyn outlines different eating styles – including skillful, chaotic, diet mentality, emotional, and dysregulated – and provides a questionnaire to help women determine their style. I found myself mostly skillful, with a side of chaos and every once in a great while, I have foray into emotional eating. I’ve come a long way, baby, but my eyes have been opened quite a bit in terms of how to handle that chaotic side of myself.

Based on the “normal eating” definition, I think I am a normal eater. What about you?

Talk about having my Word of the Year show up front and center. Green Mountain at Fox Run (GMFR)  is a place where what I know to be true in regards to health, food, weight, exercise, and body image is practiced on all levels. And during this week I will be immersed in this practicing.

I plan to do a more comprehensive and detailed review when I get back, but in the meantime I’ll share some bits and pieces as I go along.

I took my first ever Nia class! I loved it and was surprised that I loved it. What a great way to start the day. Yes, I can imagine rolling out of bed and doing this…

You can never be too mindful. I like to think that I do a pretty good job of it “in real life” but with no outside distractions, and lots of reminders, it quickly became obvious to me that when it comes to listening to my body’s cues for hunger, rest, and movement, the more practice the better.

I am reminded that practice means improvement and catching myself sooner, not “never again” or “always.”

We don’t have to tabulate, calculate, measure, time, and chart every second of our lives in order to see progress…often the best progress is intangible and immeasurable.

Intrinsic inspiration is infinitely better than extrinsic motivation.

Physical investments are just as important as financial ones, if not more so.

Mindful eating is both short-term (while you are eating) and long-term (how do you feel not just immediately afterwards, but the next day…or the next week?). Oh, and being mindful doesn’t necessarily mean sitting alone, quietly, while you eat, with no distractions.

I finally met someone else who not only does not set goals, she doesn’t feel that she should set them. This miraculous woman is Darla Breckenridge, a psychologist and cognitive behavior specialist who teaches a variety of classes here at GMFR.

It’s all about experimenting, playing, and figuring out what works for you, not what you “should” do. How do you feel when eat a certain way? How do you feel when you move a certain way? Think a certain way? Don’t like it? Doesn’t feel good? Well, try this other way instead…

In each moment, we have a choice.

To be continued…I’m going snowshoeing!

A while back Marsha Hudnall, the director of Green Mountain At Fox Run (GMFR), Ludlow, Vermont, invited me to spend a week, experience all that GMFR has to offer, and write about it here on this blog. GMFR is a holistic healthy living retreat for women that focuses on repairing your relationship with food and your body. And best of all, I am going to give away a free week’s stay at GMFR to one of my readers. Stay tuned for that. I head to Vermont tomorrow, so next time you hear from me, I’ll be there! In the meantime, GMFR maintains an excellent blog and you can find it on Facebook and Twitter.

I’m also thrilled and honored to announce that I will once again be speaking at Fitbloggin along with Shauna Reid (The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl), Mara Glatzel (Medicinal Marzipan), and Intuitive Eating & Body Image Coach Christie Inge. This year we will be addressing the role of self-acceptance AND weight loss (NOT “self acceptance versus weight loss”). It’s most definitely a both/and thing, not an either/or thing!

I am starting to fill my 2012 calendar with various events so check out my Events & Press page.

A quick update on wheat-loss: so far, so good. I haven’t found this to be all that hard (as I said, announcing that I was going to do it was harder). I may have gotten some wheat/gluten via my oatmeal, which isn’t labeled “gluten-free” but which does not have wheat or gluten listed in the ingredients. Based on what I’ve read however, because many brands of oatmeal are processed in factories that also process wheat products, oats can be “contaminated.” I have since purchased some gluten-free oatmeal. But here’s an interesting bit: last night we ordered take-out Indian food and I decided ahead of time that I wanted some naan. I was consciously making the choice to eat it. But once we got it home, I had no desire for it. Hmmmm…

This week’s Hateloss Challenge exercise: between now and Thursday, think about an activity that would challenge your comfort zone. Then confront that fear and do it. This is your challenge, so be as daring or as conservative as you want – but stretch yourself beyond what you think you can do.

I’m stepping outside my comfort zone to make an announcement:

I’m giving up wheat/gluten.

BOTH choosing to give up wheat AND announcing it are, for me, an act of stepping outside my comfort zone.

And speaking of both/and statements, I had a HUGE ah-ha moment as it regards my comfort zone.

The other day, in my Practicing: Force post I said:

“Force yourself…outside your comfort zone” sets off alarm bells in Resistant Karen’s head. She doesn’t like to think about being forced anywhere, and most definitely not outside her comfort zone because she equates “comfort zone” with “healthy emotional boundaries.”

It took me 45 years to get my comfort zone/healthy emotional boundaries firmly in place and I’m NOT gonna let anything get in the way of that!

But what if I could BOTH establish and maintain my comfort zone AND step outside it? Or more specifically, what if there are several different zones of comfort, some of which are sacrosanct and meant to be protected and some of which are meant to be stepped out of?

I have the safety and security of a wonderful marriage to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I often marvel at what I was able to create for myself, given the examples I had growing up. This comfort zone is sacrosanct. I don’t have to step out of it.

Now that I know that and see the distinction, I feel more liberated and courageous! So getting back to my announcement…

No, I don’t have Celiac disease. I don’t even consider myself gluten-sensitive. But the other day, right after I watched Mel Robbin’s video on how to get what you want, I happened to come across an interview with Dr. William Davis (author of a book called Wheat Belly: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back to Health).

The interview is entitled, “On The Evils of Wheat: Dr. William Davis on why it is so addictive, and how shunning it will make you skinny.” 

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That’s me rolling my eyes. It wasn’t necessary to use words like “evil” and “skinny” in order to get me to read the article, but that’s another issue for another day.

I read the article because I was interested in what he had to say about the affect of wheat on health and in particular, inflammation, which can cause or exacerbate all kinds of issues including arthritis, which I have.

With Mel Robbin’s voice still echoing in my head, I decided right then and there to go wheat-free in an effort to make my body hurt less so I feel like exercising more. And what’s interesting is that I had no idea that Week 3 of the Hateloss Challenge would involve a call to step outside my comfort zone! I love how the universe works…

So now I’m also practicing wheat-loss. I’ll keep you posted.