…and lovers gonna love.
You and me? We’re made to feel ALL the emotions…we’re capable of feeling all the emotions…we’re meant to feel them all. And our bodies do an amazingly efficient job of it if we don’t try and stop them.
Got some anger? Go for it and stamp your foot. Feel the physicality of that.
A little weepy? Allow your eyes to wash themselves and notice the sweet release and relaxation in your body afterwards.
Giddy? Grin and feel your heart expand…and the warmth spread throughout your chest.
Emotions are nothing more and nothing less than a vibration in your body…and yet, because we make them mean so much more than that, we tend to spend a lot of time avoiding/stuffing/distracting/intellectualizing so we don’t have to feel the vibrations that we consider ugly or uncomfortable.
We also spend a lot of time and effort avoiding what we consider to be negative emotions, but rarely do we specifically take action to increase positive emotions. We choose to focus on avoiding the negative rather than growing the positive.
(We don’t like having our buttons pushed so instead of deactivating our buttons, we protect them instead).
In general, people talk about their emotions (as a concept, usually with long, vague descriptions) but don’t actually FEEL them.
Consider the difference between resisting a negative feeling and just letting it vibrate.
Imagine a swallowing a capsule full of an emotion you find uncomfortable. Imagine, once digested, that you and your body will experience the purest form of that emotion for two minutes. What would it be like to just experience it? Without avoidance, resistance, numbing?
Be curious and fascinated when you notice what you’re feeling.
Whatever you choose to feel, notice that it’s not just something you feel for yourself, notice also the actions you take as a result of what you feel and the impact those actions have in the world.
This isn’t about putting on a happy face if you’re pissed off or grieving a loss. It’s about choosing to acknowledge and feel the pissed off-ness or grief and letting flow on through. All feelings are valid and worthy of being felt. They’re all useful. They all have messages/lessons for us.
Sometimes, we’re afraid to feel a feeling and so fear intensifies that already uncomfortable emotion. What you resist, persists. When we resist, say, anger, we create more anger. We get angry at our anger. We worry about our anxiety. We hate our hate. We create more pain by telling ourselves we shouldn’t be in pain.
Resistance is the fuel of anxiety (and when Resistant Karen learned this and started practicing acceptance, she was surprised to see a lot of her anxiety being released).
Consider that it can be super useful to CHOOSE, on purpose, to deliberately feel a negative feeling. It will flow through you in a wave. And then you will be done with it.
And in regards to “controlling” feelings:
Positive control = taking responsibility for your emotions without feeling “out of control”…the act of practicing/deliberately creating feelings.
Negative control = trying to control the uncontrollable. For example – people pleasing, and saying “yes” when you want to say “no” – both are an attempt to control how others think about you.
Imagine the possibilities when you choose to literally (and I am using “literally” correctly…old-school) feel your emotions rather than stuffing your face with Goldfish crackers (or whatever).
Tell me about a time that you allowed yourself to literally feel an uncomfortable emotion…