A Post In Which I Express My Anger Constructively…In Which I Ask Myself How I Really Feel…In Which I Am Able To Let It Resolve And Dissolve
I went to see my hormone specialist today. It’s been a little more than three months since I started this new regimen, including bioidentical progesterone, pregnenelone, and going off Lipitor. He also recommended supplements like extra vitamin D, fish oil, CoQ10, a supplement touted as “nutritional support for healthy blood lipid levels,” and an “adrenal calming” supplement. I recently had more blood work and saliva tests done to see where things are.
But first of all, I have to say that I feel so much better, physically, mentally, and emotionally, than I have in a long while and I believe that getting my hormones back into balance is the main reason. It remains to be seen if Lyme is an issue, and I am beginning to wonder if I really had it at all. But I digress…
I told him about how great I am feeling, that I am exercising more, that I’ve lost inches off my waist, that I am wearing clothes that once didn’t fit, etc. I told him that my cravings and “false hunger” have been greatly reduced, and so on.
The results of my tests showed that everything has improved, except my cholesterol and my thyroid function. In fact, my cholesterol has gotten worse (the overall number went from 179 to 239; my LDL, which is supposed to be less than 130, is now 158; and the particle size pattern of my LDL cholesterol has gone from large and buoyant, to small and dense). My HDL and triglycerides are fine.
I guess this is no surprise, given that I stopped taking Lipitor. He suggested that all of this could be due to the fact that my thyroid still isn’t where it needs to be. He suggested a thyroid hormone that is effective and which also happens to help weight-loss.
But he said there were other ways to address it, including a supplement called L-Carnitine with Chromium. Then he switched gears and said that he had a colleague who had recently lost 35 pounds…how the guy had been doing PX90 for months and hadn’t been able to lose a pound but then BAM, he lost weight. At first I thought he was talking about the supplement, but then he picked up a brochure, handed it to me, and started talking about some new program. On the cover of the brochure it said “Ideal Protein, Your Last Diet.”
::::::insert sound of screeching brakes::::::
NO! No diets! No programs! NO NO NO! Don’t you get it?? I am trying to trust myself here.
Don’t you DARE try and sell me a diet!!
Okay, that’s not what I said to him. But that’s what I was thinking.
He went on to say that it’s a program that teaches you how to eat certain types of foods at the same time, and how you shouldn’t eat carbs and fats in the same meal, and about getting more protein, blah blah blah. I tried to get him to tell me specifics, like is it actual meals that you buy? He mentioned that he was going to have an informational presentation at his office next week so he can learn more about it and he said he was inviting interested patients.
I tried to tell him, as briefly as I could, about where I’ve been in my life and why the last thing I want to do now is “go on a diet.” He said that this wasn’t a diet. I asked him again what they were selling and I got the impression that it was protein in the form of various products like shakes, bars, chips and so on. He said that it involves eating “your own food” but he also said that on this program, you end up eating about 800 calories a day.
And here’s the thing, I got the impression, as he was telling me about it, that he was expecting me to light up with glee and excitement, as if I’d just discovered the Holy Grail of weight loss and would immediately and desperately sign up for it.
I told him that this is exactly the type of thing I want to avoid and I asked him if he’d read Women Food & God. I think I may have seen just the tiniest of eye-rolls and he said he’d heard about it and that his wife has it. I told him he needs to read it. He said he would.
By the way, the name of this program is Ideal Protein. And it appears to be a program that involves eating foods that you buy from the company. Rather than give it any more space here in my blog, you can go to the company’s site and read, if you’re interested.
Okay, so if you’re still with me, thank you. Here’s the part where I practice:
I feel upset, angry and betrayed. It makes me not want to trust this doctor who I really want to trust! I know that he knows his stuff and is highly respected. He’s been voted, many times, as a top doctor in our state. I’m mad because I feel like I have to defend the fact that I am seeing him.
DEEEEEEP BREATH
I feel rebellious and like stamping my foot and saying, “you can’t make me.” I feel like eating something “bad” just to spite him. Not really, but sort of.
DEEEEEEP BREATH
UNSCRUNCHING SHOULDERS
I feel like society has gotten to the point where, if you don’t want to “lose 3-7 pounds per week,” you’re the weird one…
DEEEEEEP BREATH
UNSCRUNCHING SHOULDERS
SOFTENING EYES
I am okay, and he’s okay too. It’s not like he wants to feed me poison. Maybe he just hasn’t had a patient like me. Maybe he’s under pressure from his other patients to help them lose weight more quickly. Perhaps this program will help some people.
DEEEEEEP BREATH
UNSCRUNCHING SHOULDERS
SOFTENING EYES
ACKNOWLEDGING REALITY
I feel better, and am doing better…and I know better. And I will continue to see this doctor because he is helping me. I am an intelligent, adult woman who can make her own decisions. I am okay.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
I hope he finally backed off after you told him how you felt about diets. Most importantly, it’s great that you were able to talk yourself through the anger instead of bashing his head in with a bat. Mad props.
*applauding wildly*
Good for you, Karen on sticking to your GUNS! I am so proud of you that you stood up for yourself without over-reacting. That you didn’t doubt all the knowledge you’ve gained through this journey. That you posted your experience here for all of us to learn from and gain strength from.
Kudos to you, my friend!
Well, he may actually be trying to sell you poison!! We don’t know til we see the ingredients. I can really feel this, since I’ve had so many similar experiences.
In my business as a coach (especially one who specializes in weight loss), you cannot imagine how many people (usually at least a call a day!) want me to sell their products or shakes or supplements. I’ve read enough horror stories about what is actually found in weight loss supplements when they are analyzed that I don’t want to touch them.
Most of the people who contact me tell me they just sell the plain bottle or box of product and they’ll customize a label with any name I want on it. I swear most of the crap out there (and this sounds suspiciously similar to another product line) is the same stuff with different labels.
I’ve gotten to the point where I interview a doctor before I go to them. I want to know if they can PARTNER with me, rather than diagnose, judge, and pretend they are almighty. I don’t care what they think. I tell them my history… the times I was misdiagnosed, abused and misdirected by health care practitioners. I tell them I once had a doctor who told me I could never lose weight and keep it off and how I proved her wrong.
I tell them I’ll research everything myself before I do anything. I tell them I won’t take drugs. When I go in, the nurse always search (searches frantically!) for my list of drugs. When she can’t find any, she says “How old are you? Why aren’t your drugs listed?” It’s like you’re a criminal if you’re healthy!! How backwards is that?
What I hear in your story, though, is that you want to be heard and respected and this showed that he did neither. He didn’t get you. He didn’t see your magnificent accomplishment and growth. No deeper connection.
Sad.
Pat Barone, CPCC, PCC
America’s Weight Loss Catalyst
Oooops, forgot to add: It’s not a bad idea to craft a few powerful statements to communicate your position on diets, health, advice from others, etc. I have my clients do this, and practice saying them too.
For instance, I often find myself saying “I live in a diet free zone, thanks!” or, “I dieted myself fatter for years, been there/done that. I’m smarter now. Thin for years and food is my friend now. Thanks for the offer though.”
By the way, if I’m giving too much advice, feel free to practice your “don’t need your advice/butt out” statement on me!!
Pat Barone
Ha ha Pat…I appreciate your input. I’ve been thinking about writing this doctor a letter…
800 calories per day. I would punch someone in the face. Do what you’re doing. Acknowledge your levels, keep eating how you are..and it will sort itself out
I can really relate to your writing today. I get so sick of doctors telling me I need to lose weight when I’m in their office for something completely different. Listen to this- or read it
- I went to a gynocologist for a second opinion on an abnormal pap I had. She addressed the issue of the abnormal pap for maybe 5 minutes (literally) and spent the rest of the 20 minutes telling me I needed to lose 50 pounds and that the South Beach Diet was the “one” for me. I told her that I am a compulsive overeater and a part of OA. She backed off a little. Here’s the kicker. I went to see a third gynocologist about the abnormal pap because I knew that she was not the doctor for me. About 2 weeks later my new gynocologist informed me I had cervical cancer…. I know with all my heart that my intuition told me to keep going, to find the right doctor for me, and that when I found that doctor I would know it. And I did! I’m not saying that you should find a new doctor. I just know from my own experience that following my heart always leads me to the right place…
I am pretty sure I would have BLOWN up in his face in that office and all people in neighboring rooms would hear me start a VERY LONG and LOUD rant about health and weight mistruths, and diet lies, discuss how Michael Pollan has taught me eating REAL foods and not some diet is a key, how the diets, and meal diets/trends are exactly what has led to people in the West NO LONGER TRUSTING HOW TO EAT! Ugh and ugh. What you have appears to be genetic and biological, and not diet (ie what you eat, not restrict) and exercise. You are doing absolutely everything that is HEALTHY and this is my true concern with primary care doctors. They do weight shame, diet talk, and honestly arent aware of the very research we read to keep up to date on health. I am so glad you wrote this post – it is SO important to bring to light when doctors push meds, diets, BMI, and other pseudo health looking advice taht basically makes us go against out bodies and ignore what are bodies are meant to do. I swear Michael Pollan has opened up my eyes, as well as advocacy work and reading research daily. It is sad I know more than a medical professional in the terms of health. You are doing everything right, you feel better and continue to monitor and watch and be mindful of your genetic/biological predispositions. Hugs and loves.
Thanks Kendra…I did, in fact, mention In Defense of Food to him…
Red alert! Shields to maximum! Arm photon torpedoes!
I don’t blame you for the subsequent emotional brain dump! How many visits have you had with him previously? One? Two? He might “know” you on a cellular level, but he can’t possibly understand You, with a Capital Y. I think those screeching brakes were not the “you can’t make me Karen” but the “Karen who has learned a lot in the last six months and knows when something doesn’t ring true” (fit THAT on a business card!).
And how can 800 calories a day possibly be healthy? I don’t care how you’re getting that protein…it’s only 800 calories!
Have you seen your naturopath? Would she concur with this?
There are too many variables involved to think that P90X would be end-all be-all magic bullet. And for what it’s worth, I know someone who was very overweight, did the P90X, lost over 100 pounds, and six months later, gained it all back and then some. You know, deep down, that you have to “live” with a way of eating that feels natural…his “solution” might work in the short term, but for the next 40 years?
I suspect your kettle bell guru would probably have reservations about such an eating plan too.
Stick to your guns.
Liz, hee hee… thanks
I think you misunderstood the P90X thing…he said his colleague had used it with NO results…it wasn’t until he started that 800-calorie pre-packaged food program that he lost weight. I am going to see my naturopath on Monday to discuss this with her. He and she “partner” and he’s invited her to an informational session next week to show her this program. It will be interesting to know how she reacts.
Try to remember doctors are taught about the PHYSICAL aspect of weight loss, if they are taught much at all. (A recent survey by STOP found almost 80% say they know they don’t have the tools to help their patients with weight issues.)
In my long experience with yo-yoing and my subsequent discovery of what it takes to attain permanent weight loss (I lost 70+, have kept it off 10+ years), weight issues are PHYSICAL, MENTAL, EMOTIONAL and SPIRITUAL, and every aspect has to experience change.
Most programs simply can’t take you through all these layers.
That’s why, when we keep at it, we are eventually led to deeper, more meaningful awareness about ourselves as human beings.
Doctors can only address the PHYSICAL (same is true for personal trainers, nutritionists, etc.). This is not to dis them – just to point out the limits of their approach. It’s fine for them to be excellent at only the physical, as long as we’re aware we need to address the other areas, either alone or with a coach, spiritual leader, etc.
Pat Barone, CPCC, PCC
America’s Weight Loss Catalyst
Just because he’s a doctor, doesn’t mean he’s a specialist in nutrition, you know? Sounds like he wants a way to get extra income – I’m sure he gets a percentage for every patient that starts that program. I hope he hasn’t pressured you into doing it. NO means NO!
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