Resolved and Dissolved, For Now

It Was Part Of The Process

Yesterday’s emotional brain dump was an exercise in feeling emotions that felt as if they could destroy me. In the moment of writing, I was crying, sobbing even, and it felt uncomfortable. But it also felt fantastic. I was not destroyed. But for those of you who read it, I imagine that it was only uncomfortable. And I suspect that some of you have felt the same way.

The support and advice I got is very much appreciated.

Pat wrote: “This is pointing you somewhere. Go with it. What opportunity is this incident with the doctor giving you?”

It’s funny, my immediate reaction is to say that the opportunity I am being given is to prove him wrong, but that’s an old pattern, based on old ways of being. I’m still thinking about this one.

Lynn wrote: “Listen to yourself, hear what’s underneath the ‘bad girl’ talk, and you’ll know what you need to do to make peace with yourself.”

I think this, too, goes back to old patterns and ways of being.

“Don’t talk back.”

“Listen to me when I am speaking.”

“Don’t rock the boat.”

“I know what’s best for you.”

Joy wrote: “Have you, by chance, read the wonderful book by Tribole and Resch (who both happen to be nutritionists) called Intuitive Eating?”

I haven’t read this book, but the Living Lighter class I took at the beginning of 2090, which is what inspired this blog in the first place, used material from the authors of Intuitive Eating. I’m definitely going to check it out!

And Journey Beyond Survival wrote: “When it comes to taking his advice you can do it your way and still have the outcome he desires. That is not being bad. That is being smart.”

To be honest, I think part of the “outcome he desires” is a revenue stream that comes from sales of the Ideal Protein products. That said, it’s in my own best interest to start looking again at how much protein I am eating (not to mention fiber). At one time I was making sure I ate at least 75 grams of protein per day…and some days even more. I did this in an effort to curb my cravings for carbs and to eliminate what I call “false hunger.”

In the past five or six months, those cravings have gone away and the control I am experiencing is something brand new to me. And in my effort to “just be” and “listen to my body” and “eat intuitively” I’ve stopped tracking. Not to mentioned that I’ve also lost some weight since the last time I saw this doctor…I’ve lost between three and four inches off my waist and am wearing clothes that used to be too small.

And maybe that’s what’s bothering me…he didn’t recognize this, even when I told him.

But getting back to what’s best for me, I realize that in some ways, I’ve returned to either/or http://kclanderson.com/before-and-after/either-or-and-both/ thinking…it’s either strict accountability, counting calories and dieting, or it’s free-flowing intuitive eating.

My brain is percolating with some ideas.