Dear Peaceful Daughter…
I see you.
I see your success and your drive. I see you saying “yes” when you want to say “no.” I see you craving freedom and peace. I see you desiring a more authentic, vulnerable, and connected life.
And? I see the conflict and inner turmoil that goes with having a strained relationship with your mother.
I’m guessing you bounce between blaming your mother and blaming yourself. And that you have a near-constant, low-level feeling of guilt because you haven’t been able to fix it by now.
I am here to witness you, represent you, and tell you:
That’s not the truth. There is nothing wrong with you.
It’s not your fault (in fact, let’s take fault off the table completely).
You are not to blame (blame too…let’s take it out of the equation).
You are not alone, and you don’t have to suffer.
Suffering is optional.
All mothers are not “loving” and buying into the idea that they are (so it must be your fault) only isolates you.
You don’t have to live the rest of your life feeling guilty.
Or sad (even though you might feel that way today).
There is no such thing as a perfect mother-daughter relationship.
No matter what Hallmark says.
No matter what you see on Facebook.
No matter what “they” say you “should” think/feel/do.
Mothers do not automatically and instinctually love their daughters unconditionally or otherwise (no matter how our culture portrays them) and it’s not taboo to acknowledge that. It’s important that we don’t assume all mothers love their daughters and that we don’t call something love when it isn’t love.
Fact is, daughters don’t automatically and instinctually love their mothers (although we can learn how to feel love for them on our own terms…for us).
Please do not shame or guilt yourself.
Please do not make yourself sad.
It’s not your responsibility to fix your relationship with your mother.
In fact, let’s take “fixing” off the table altogether, too.
You do not have to live your life for your mother.
You do not have to stop expressing yourself because she has told you she doesn’t like it when you do.
You do not have to blame yourself (or her) for what has happened in the past (although it is okay to acknowledge it).
You do not have to hide your light because you’re afraid she might feel threatened by it.
You do not have to feel “less than” because of what your mother has said or done (or modeled).
You do not have to beat yourself up, emotionally or otherwise.
You do not have to be boundary-less
I am taking this stand for you.
Because I’ve been there, and I’ve done that.
My name is Karen. I am a writer, life coach, and author of The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother.
My Superpower is Profound Self-Trust.
My Internal Identifier is Truth Fire.
My Devotion is Unapologetic, Creative Self-Expression.
My Motivation is Freedom.
My Yearning is Recognition: to recognize and to be recognized.
My Function is asking clarifying questions, listening to what is being communicated and what is not being communicated, being an example of what is possible, and transforming suffering with truth.
I intentionally put all of that into my writing and into my work.
My practice is based on three fundamental beliefs:
- The truth never creates suffering and all stories can be told through the lens of truth
- The stuff that happened in your past is worth taking a look at, but I care more about where you want to go.
- When you’re brave enough to tell your stories through the lens of truth, you have the capacity to create experiences and relationships that are rich and meaningful…and which are based on what you value.
About Our Relationship
“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I may remember. Involve me and I learn.” ~ Ben Franklin
- When you hire me, you get a fully committed, co-creating partner. A companion. Someone who will involve you in the process and sit with you and keep you company as you figure it all out.
- I believe in honest, straightforward communication. Direct, personal, real…sometimes intense. Always confidential. I don’t shy away from hard conversations. I won’t ever believe you when you say you’re stuck or that you “don’t know.”
- That’s really good news, right? That’s why you want to work with me.
- I will always see you at your highest potential.
- I will always ask that you consciously agree to actively engage in the process: show up for yourself. You might find me asking if you are truly showing up for yourself as we go. And please know that YOU know what it looks like for you to show up.
A Little Bit More About Who I Am
- I am a work in progress. The vast majority of the time I am excited to do my own work.
- There are also times when I’m like “Fuuuuuuckkkkkk…I’d rather crawl back into my cave and hide.” And yes, I drop an F-Bomb from time to time.
- Words others have used to describe me: insightful, silly, wise, mischievous, intense, empathetic, rebellious, impatient, patient, inspiring, brave, independent, talkative…
- Words I have used to describe myself: awkward, pathetic, needy, hypocritical, spoiled, mean, controlling, selfish… I used to be unconscious to these qualities in myself. You might be wondering why I’d admit to such qualities. I believe that consciously examining ALL aspects of ourselves, especially the aspects that scare or disgust us, is what makes us truly whole and complete.
- I am not a licensed professional. I have a shit-ton of experience, wisdom, skill, process, and talent. My toolbox is deep and diverse. I have a college degree and I have some certifications (if you’d like more of those details I will certainly provide them).
- My two best credentials: #1 I have Been There and Done That AND #2 I practice what I preach!