Dear You…

It’s not wrong to feel what you feel. You are not wrong. You are seen. You are heard. You are understood.

You’ve been through a lot in your life. It’s okay to take a break. Take a break from focusing on your mother and all the things she has done and said.

There is no shame in taking the time and space you need to know yourself and care for yourself, separate from your mother. You don’t have to announce it. It doesn’t have to be a forever thing, either, unless that works for you.

What I know to be true is that when we’re emotionally enmeshed with our mothers, we don’t know where she ends and we begin. When we choose to separate ourselves and to focus on our own thoughts, feelings, and actions (rather than on hers) we begin to find our footing. We begin to feel more grounded and surer in ourselves.

But here’s the thing: it doesn’t work if unless you truly want to be a separate, emotionally autonomous woman who no longer tells stories about all the ways she’s done you wrong.

Right now you’re focused on her. Of course you are because that’s what she taught you to do.

Bring yourself back to you.

Here are some suggestions on how to do that:

  • Unlock your shoulders.
  • Soften your eyes.
  • Place your hands over your heart.
  • Ask yourself: What’s true right this very second? What am I thinking? What I am feeling? What do I feel in my body?

Writing prompt:

  • I am a woman who…
  • I am a woman who wants…
  • I am a woman who believes…
  • I am a woman who gives…
  • I am a woman who takes…
  • I am a woman who can…
  • I am a woman who is…
  • I am a woman who knows…
  • I am a woman who values…
  • I am a woman who needs…
  • I am a woman who celebrates…
  • I am a woman who questions…
  • I am a woman who thinks…
  • I am a woman who feels…
  • I am a woman who acts…
  • I am a woman who…

Get outside help:

Keep coming back to your precious self. It’s a practice and you’re worth your own care and attention.

Much, much love,

Karen

P.S. Since 2009, I’ve been offering my writing on the Internet for free. I love doing it. It feels amazing to be able to offer you my writing without asking for anything in return. And I also don’t mind earning money from doing what I love. That’s why I make it possible for you to support my work on Patreon.

My current goal is 100 Patrons. When I reach this goal I will make a monthly donation to Women’s March, whose mission is to harness the political power of diverse women and their communities to create transformative social change.