You’re about to put yourself out there in regards to a boundary with your mother/sister/co-worker/friend – perhaps in a way you haven’t done before. Your previous experience is telling you to be on alert, wary, and vigilant. Of course it is. Will they blow up at you? Will they give you the silent treatment? Will they roll their eyes and… Read More
“The nature of conflict means you can’t set a boundary in your life and take care of someone else’s feelings at the same time.” ~ Martha Beck And there you have it: most of us were taught (via modeling and unspoken expectation culturally) to be responsible our mother’s feelings, so of course we feel conflict when we think about establishing boundaries… Read More
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Like I even have to ask, right? Seriously though… Here’s what I’ve figured out about manipulation: we tend to do it when we think there’s no alternative to getting what we want and need. And our mothers? They were most likely taught that their wants and needs didn’t matter. They were taught that women weren’t allowed to have wants and… Read More
Here’s the distinction I like to make: A boundary is a request that you make of someone who is infringing on your emotional or physical space in an effort (generally) to improve the relationship. Boundaries are about taking care of (and responsibility for) yourself and often include phrases like “I’d prefer,” “I’d value,” and “My preferences are…”. An ultimatum is… Read More