You’re about to put yourself out there in regards to a boundary with your mother/sister/co-worker/friend – perhaps in a way you haven’t done before. Your previous experience is telling you to be on alert, wary, and vigilant. Of course it is. Will they blow up at you? Will they give you the silent treatment? Will they roll their eyes and… Read More
“The nature of conflict means you can’t set a boundary in your life and take care of someone else’s feelings at the same time.” ~ Martha Beck And there you have it: most of us were taught (via modeling and unspoken expectation culturally) to be responsible our mother’s feelings, so of course we feel conflict when we think about establishing boundaries… Read More
Question from a long-time reader: “I’ve noticed that you’ve been using the terms ‘prefer’ and ‘preferences’ a lot lately, and being okay with your preferences. What does that actually mean to you, and how did you arrive at using that term?” I see preferences as a powerful way to express needs and wants. Simply stating my preferences in any given… Read More
“I’d rather be whole than good.” ~ Carl Jung What does it mean to be “whole”? For me, it’s when I choose to unflinchingly see and acknowledge the parts of myself that make my face prickle with hot shame, love myself through it, and ultimately reclaim and integrate those parts. There’s no more resistance to any part of myself. No… Read More
Dear Daughter, I once read an article by a woman who wrote, “I had an abortion because when I became pregnant, I was still too much under the thumb of a controlling, abusive, mentally ill mother who would have insisted I keep it. I had an abortion because adoption wouldn’t have been an option, and I wasn’t strong enough to… Read More