Here’s how to practice equanimity and embody Matriarch Mare energy (and trust me, it’s a state of mind I will always be willing to practice and cultivate) during the holidays.

(Yes, it may seem like a lot to ask of yourself, but sister, you are so worth it)

Ask yourself ahead of time, “How do I want to handle myself (when I arrive at [fill in the blank’s] house or when [fill in the blank] shows up at my house)?”

Write out a detailed description of how you want to handle yourself.

Ask yourself ahead of time, “How do I want to feel (when I arrive at [fill in the blank’s] house or when [fill in the blank] shows up at my house)?”

Make a list of the emotions you want to feel. Aim for one specific and simple word per emotion rather than vague descriptions. For example, peaceful, content, grounded…unfuckwithable 😉

Know that how you feel determines how you deal.

Your emotions will support you in handling yourself the way you want to. If you want to be confident and kind, emotions like dread and bitterness will tend not to support you.

Ask yourself ahead of time if you need to establish boundaries and, if yes, know what they are. Remember that boundaries are not for making other people behave a certain way, they are a tool used to promote self-responsibility and empowerment…a way to take care of yourself.

Ask yourself what thoughts and beliefs will help support you in feeling the way you want to.

Make a list of thoughts (think of them as simple sentences) and as you write down each one, notice how it feels. Do these thoughts truly create the emotions you want to feel? Do you believe what you’ve written?

Practice feeling the way you want to feel. Know, literally, what contentment feels like in your body. Practicing feeling emotions will give you evidence of your creative power.

The day of…

Choose to be aware. If/when you feel yourself experiencing an emotion you DON’T want, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What am I thinking that is causing this disturbance in me?” 

Take another deep breath and let that emotion vibrate. Name it and acknowledge it silently to yourself. If you let it be there, it will take ~90 seconds to dissipate.

Ask yourself if a boundary has been violated. If yes, what is the consequence? What action will you take?

If no, who/what are you trying to control? Can you drop that?

Choose to take responsibility for your emotions rather than assigning responsibility to [fill in the blank] for them. My favorite way to do this is to ask myself, “What am I making it mean that [fill in the blank] did/said that?”

If you feel that you aren’t able to handle yourself the way you want to, take another deep breath and at the very least be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up.

Then take a break. Go to the bathroom. Go for a walk. Change the subject.

Feel powerful knowing that you created your reality, even if it didn’t turn out exactly the way you wanted it to. Know that you will have another opportunity.

And if you DID handle yourself the way you wanted?? High-five sister!! Woot woot!

Be willing to be uncomfortable because the process sometimes brings up shitty thoughts and emotions.

Know that you can feel uncomfortable AND be okay…this is a sign of true emotional adulthood.

Know that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You don’t have to go to [fill in the blank’s] house, nor do you have to invite [fill in the blank] to yours.

There doesn’t have to be any drama (or guilt or regret).

Practice. Choose. Notice. For as long as you need to.

Be proud of yourself for being willing to do hard things.

Much, much love,

Karen