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“Many of us (and in many cases our mothers) believe that boundaries are about other people’s behavior–that they are designed to make other people do what we want them to do (or stop doing what we don’t want them to do), in order for us to be happy. That’s why so many women struggle with this crucial life skill. It wasn’t taught or modeled for them in a realistic way, at least not in the way I teach it.” ~ The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother
If there was a ever a scenario where boundary challenges abound, it’s in the mother-adult daughter relationship.
This is why, last fall, I embarked on a deep dive into the art and science of healthy boundaries with Randi Buckley, creator of the Healthy Boundaries for Kind People methodology. I am among the first life coaches to be certified in her process.
I call my version Impeccable Boundaries for Peaceful Daughters and it incorporates Randi’s methods, some of my own tools, and the Alpha Mare concept, which I learned from Martha Beck and Elizabeth Gilbert:
The Alpha Mare is calm, because her boundaries are impeccable. She knows who she is, and the other horses do not mess with her. They do not approach her without her invitation. The Alpha Mare does not let herself be influenced by another horse’s fears or anxieties or aggression. She knows the right thing to do, and she does it. The other horses follow her lead. She doesn’t need approval or permission. She lives and breathes from a place of integrity and certainty, because of her strong and appropriate boundaries. As a result, she is relaxed and at peace. She has an undefended heart.
Fear makes us defend our hearts. It makes us hide. Never relaxed. Never at peace.
Impeccable boundaries alleviate fear.
Impeccable boundaries allow you to stand in integrity and speak your truth.
Impeccable boundaries communicate what is okay and what is not okay.
Impeccable boundaries allow you to have an undefended heart.
Impeccable boundaries mitigate guilt.
Impeccable boundaries are both badass and kind. Both fierce and compassionate. And the kinder you are, the more impeccable your boundaries become. Really.
Impeccable boundaries are energetic. The more you practice, the less anyone (not even your mother) will consider messing with you.
Impeccable boundaries allow you to “walk in the world with your guard down, your eyes filled with curiosity, your soul filled with simple wonder. That is the alpha mare, and she’s inside you.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
Because really…who wants to live their lives from a place of chronic defensiveness, reaction, frustration, and annoyance?
Here’s what I’ve learned in the process of becoming a Peaceful Daughter myself, and in helping thousands of other women become Peaceful Daughters:
Boundaries go waaaaaaay beyond throwing up our defenses when our mother has done something to harm us or piss us off.
“Boundaries are your values in action.” ~ Randi Buckley
I invite you to take a deep dive with me into the art and science of impeccable boundaries.
Impeccable Boundaries for Peaceful Daughters is all about redefining what boundaries mean to you so they serve, honor, and reflect the best of who you are.
During this three month program you will create a custom, personal framework from the “ground up” that you will always be able to turn to, to house and support your boundaries.
You will learn:
- How to redefine what boundaries mean to you so that they are something fit into your life and honor your style
- How to cultivate and tend to your boundaries
- How to maintain your equanimity and keep on keepin’ on when “triggered”
- How to implement boundaries in your relationship with your mother (which of course will have a positive impact on all aspects of your life)
- How to articulate your boundaries with your mother (who most likely isn’t used to you having them) while reducing backlash and guilt (this isn’t about sugar-coating, patronizing, or inauthentic communication).
- How to find your way back when you get lost, overwhelmed or confused
- How to speak your truth in a way so that it both lands in your mother’s heart and leaves little room for interpretation and manipulation
- This program starts the week of May 8
- It runs for three months
- It consists of lessons/modules hosted on a private, online learning forum; nine coaching calls; and a secret Facebook group for support, conversation, questions and practice in between calls
- Coaching calls are held via the Zoom conference call platform and occur on Tuesdays (time to be determined – they will be recorded if you can’t attend live)
- To keep it intimate, I am limiting enrollment to 10
- Your investment is $550 (or three payments of $200)
This course is for you if:
- You’d like to create an infrastructure for your boundaries that is healthy, easily articulated, and clear
- You’ve found that traditional boundary advice doesn’t work for you, reflect your values, or who you are
- You desire a personal solution
- You’ve read (or are reading) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother, you have started taking responsibility for your thoughts and emotions, and you’re ready to go beyond reading about it and want to actually practice the tools outlined in the book
- You believe you don’t deserve boundaries, or that boundaries are selfish, and you want to change that!
- It is not a substitute for medical or mental health care.
- If you are processing deep pain, memories, or trauma, you might be better served in a professional mental health setting. If you have questions, please contact me.
My Impeccable Boundaries for this offer:
- Your investment for Impeccable Boundaries for Peaceful Daughters is non-refundable. Please be ready to do some good, and deep, work.
- There are no guarantees. This work is individual and you will be making it your own. I don’t want to pressure you into a pre-determined outcome.
- What I DO promise: I will show up, deliver a program that I am proud of, and help you apply it in a way that works for you.