This work is iterative. It builds on itself. It’s rarely one-and-done. It’s very rarely ever a simple flip of the switch.
You choose to look inward, to heal, to transform yourself using the lens of your relationship with your mother. You come to know that she no longer holds the power, that you are worthy of healthy boundaries, that you can choose, in any given moment, how you want to feel. You honor your values. You stop being sorry for the things you were taught to be sorry for.
You look at her life, or the life you once had with her, and you decide, with intention and clarity, how you want to move forward…what you want to create in the future.
Sometimes (most times) the results of this work are way more far-reaching than your relationship with your mother. Sometimes you learn the same lessons over again, but in deeper and unexpected ways.
For me, 2018 was the year I became conscious to a long-standing pattern in my maternal lineage of thinking that if I shamed myself enough, I’d get love and approval in return. And with that consciousness comes the ability to choose to no longer do that to myself.
Even in the face of other people’s anger and disappointment.
No longer am I apologizing or prostrating myself for being who I am. Nor am I blaming anyone who might be struggling with that fact that I am no longer trying to please them.
2019 is going to be a year where, instead of practicing shame, I will be practicing dignity.
What patterns have you become conscious to? What are you choosing to practice this year?
Much, much love,
P.S. I go a bit deeper here: The Consequences of People-Pleasing (this post is available only to my Patrons on Patreon…you can become a Patron for as little as $2/month).