“What if I become just like her?”

This is such a common fear amongst women who struggle in their relationship with their difficult mothers.

I heard someone say recently that narcissism is learned behavior…a learned coping mechanism.

My mother used to tell me that her mother was a narcissist and I’ll never forget the moment a therapist suggested to me, based on what I’d told her, that my mother probably was too.

From the perspective I have now, I can totally see how narcissistic behavior is how my grandmother and mother got their needs met. How they coped.

Of course, I started to worry that it was inevitable…if I wasn’t yet a narcissist, I would become one.

And here’s the thing…we all exhibit some narcissistic behavior. It’s normal and natural. And, like all emotions and behaviors, it has both shadow and light.

Mental health professionals say that narcissists are difficult to work with because their denial runs so deep they don’t see themselves as having unhealthy behavior.

When we acknowledge, accept, and have compassion for our whole selves (which is not narcissism, but might include some narcissistic tendencies), we are no longer in denial and we transform the generational wound.

Much, much love,


This post first appeared on Patreon. It’s where I debut all my writing, advice columns, and other fun content (including videos) and you can have first access for as little as $2/month!

I am opening up four spots to work with me 1:1 next year. What I offer the opportunity to tend to your wound so that your mother is no longer an issue in your life (whether you choose to be in contact with her or not). Click here to read more about The Liberty Sessions and/or click here to schedule a 30-minute conversation to see if this offer is right for you.

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Dealing With Toxic Family Members

How To Express Your Emotions [The Ultimate Guide]

How To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself